Saturday, January 12, 2013

Westward HO!

I try to avoid calendars, as essential as they are in my life right now. I actually don’t have time to look at them. It’s been craziness around here, in a slow sort of way. My brain is constantly running, but I can’t get to most of the things that are bouncing around in there with what my life already demands. As long as I have a plan, though, I can feel alright about what has to get done. Let’s hope I can stick to the plan.

It doesn’t help that we’ve had some nasty sickness going around here. The kids have all been coughing like crazy, and to a mom, it’s like someone scratching on a chalkboard 24 hours a day. Not to mention all the noses I’ve been wiping, and medicine I’ve been administering, and nights I’ve been awake. For a good part, or at least the hardest part of this sickness, KC has been out of town on important business, and it was the longest three days of my life. I seriously didn’t know if any of us would make it out alive. Even with the slightest cold, you can count on Ruby being on the the nebulizer for a few days, and  often on a round of steroids so she can breath. And this one has been a doozy. I tried to get the prednisone before KC left, and went to the urgent care for that very reason, but the dr. said she wouldn’t suggest it. I’m only the mom, what do I know?! The poor girl coughs so hard she breaks blood vessels in her face! We left without them after paying a large sum. Well, fast forward a few days, and she was much worse, so I called them right up, told them to write the prescription, and it was ready for me to pick up within the hour. The day KC came home, of course. But as least I feel like my girl can breath now (and people wonder why I don’t let my kids attend nursery all winter, and why I obsessively wipe down the carts I use…). And let’s remember that they are three year olds. They have been displaying their naughtiest behavior yet, and I’m kind of on the end of my rope about it. I really don’t have time or energy to discipline as often as I should, or keep them from dumping entire sippy cups on the couch (three time each in 24 hours),  and who knows why they won’t eat ANYTHING I make for them (even if they ask for it), insist on changing their clothes multiple times a day, decided peeing their pants is a fun game, or go ahead and pull our chunks of each other’s hair (I’m really just scratching the surface here). WHO KNOWS!  At one point, a low one, Bennett said to me, “ Mommy, stop yelling.” And they have all learned and used phrases like, “That makes me SO SAD!” and “Uh oh, mommy’s gonna be mad.” and, “Don’t pee pee in your unnerwears!”  I’m not proud of this, but seriously, this is hard, and I’m not going to pretend I don’t lose it. Cause I do. I’m pretty sure anyone would, not that that justifies anything. It’s just really hard/impossible sometimes. I hope they are still at a point in their lives that is a big blur when they get older. I would appreciate that. Oh, I love those little darlings so much it hurts.

Anyway, I only have mild symptoms, and it better stay that way, because I don’ t have time to be sick. I just don’t. It’s crunch time people! Less than three weeks! Less than two until our stuff is packed up and outta here (including the van—ugh). We really are Colorado bound!

The closer it gets, the more I come to terms with what is actually happening. I don’t like wondering if that was the last time I’m going to see someone. It’s a weird feeling after living in a place for a third of your life. I can’t say enough about the friends we’ve made here. They have been with us through our darkest and happiest times, and everything in between. It’s had to say goodbye to family, and that’s exactly what we’ll be doing. Not only because our friends feel that way, but because the Ribeiras are here. Having my sister here has done wonders for me. She came at a time when I really needed someone close. I was struggling with three babies, and when she said she was coming, I feel like everything turned around. She was here for the exact time that I needed it, and I’ve gotten to know her better than I did even while we were growing up. Even though she is my baby sister, I’ve learned so much from her, and will never forget the fun times we’ve had together these past couple years. I feel like Penny is a extension of my children, and will miss her to death. And Jeff is awesome too. And I also feel like some great relationships were just beginning, and it’s sad that I won’t get to know those people better. It’s just going to be an adjustment, and even though I like to think I’m a person who adapts well to any given situation, saying goodbye to people you love is never easy.

I can’t believe it was 9 years ago I was having these exact thoughts about leaving my family and friends in Utah. My plan was to move back after a year or so when I was done with culinary school, but obviously that changed. (I’ve learned that it’s okay, even necessary, to make a plan, and if it has to change you don’t have to feel dumb or like it failed.) KC and I have been talking about moving back west (not Utah, but hopefully somewhere close) since we got married, but obviously there have been a few things holding us back until recently. There are a lot of reasons that make it clear that we were meant to be here during this time, but we never wanted to settle here. Colorado was always my first choice for some reason, but we started looking everywhere in the whole united states, just to make sure we weren’t supposed to be somewhere else (those cheap, ginormous houses in the south were very tempting). At one point, we felt like we were so tired to feeling unsettled, and decided that maybe we were supposed to be here for the long haul after all, and did some house hunting. We even put an offer on one only to pull it the next morning after feeling uneasy about the whole thing! And guess what, that day is when the job showed up. Crazy huh? It’s been a highly frustrating, emotionally exhausting year, wondering what was going to be the next step for our family. Our place is small, and the schools are less than desirable in our area, and if you don’t feel settled somewhere, there is just no denying that feeling. Boot camp really helped me in a lot of ways as we struggled during this time. I’ll miss those work-outs and friends desperately. It was like morning therapy, which I truly needed. Sometimes I felt like It really was just what I needed to push us though some difficult times. I could go on about all the things and friends, and places I’ll miss. I feel like I’ve really grown up and found out who I was here. And of course, this is where my babies were born, so it will always have a special place in my heart of that reason. As frustrating as it sometimes has been living in this house that we’ve grown out of, we’ve made irreplaceable memories here, and we’ve loved it (and not only because it was the best deal in town). It will be hard to say goodbye for good. Luckily I already have a plane ticket to come back and run my half marathon in DC in the spring. It will definitely help soften the blow. And you MD friends better believe I’ll let you know about every flight deal I find so you can come visit anytime you want! I’m sure we’ll never feel like we’ve done and seen everything we wanted to here, but I feel good about what we have done. It’s been a good decade.

But we wouldn’t do this if it wasn’t the right thing, and I get butterflies in my stomach sometimes, I’m so excited. I keep hearing such great things about CO, and am SO looking forward to the new scenery, and being closer to a lot of family we’ve really missed. Sometime I get this warm, cozy feeling as I think about going up into the mountains and making a campfire, and staying in a ski lodge as a family (or just the two of us!) I miss the mountains I grew up with. I’m looking forward to a slower pace of living, and a more family friendly neighborhood with hair salons and preschools in peoples’ basements. Not that I haven’t loved living near a big city and enjoying what that has to offer, (let’s not even talk about what I’m going to do without ALD!) I just think my life lends itself to that slower lifestyle now. I’ve always wanted to live in a place like where I grew up, and I definitely think this is the right direction. I like exploring new territory, and adding Denver to my Groupon locations has really helped with the excitement of moving to a new area.

I know we have some rough times ahead. We’ll be living in a 2 bedroom apartment for some time while we get our feet on the ground and look for a house. And we’re moving ourselves, which can be exhausting and expensive, but we’re ready for the challenge, and the kids will have a blast in a new place whether it’s 900 or 3000 square feet. They are already looking forward to getting on an airplane (they haven't been since they were one year old (still free ), and were pretty unaware of their surroundings), and moving to this new place called Colorado. We are lucky to have friends and family already living there with kids the triplets’ age. We can’t wait for the new adventures that lie ahead.

Well this was a ramble session if I ever saw one. (and especially boring without pictures, I know) I think it's because KC got home last night and is playing with the kids so I actually have A MOMENT TO MYSELF, and writing feels good right now. Of course there are a million other things to do, like, say, packing, grocery shopping (only on a need-to-buy basis, of course), cleaning, selling, hauling, decision making, contract signing, hopefilluy napping, hopefully a little more playing, and I’m sure there will be plenty more nose wiping. Wish me luck!!


Corinne said...

Oh friend, the sick-all-at-once is so stinking brutal! And moving cross country is just a really big deal. You're doing a GREAT JOB and I am so excited to see where life leads you neat family next (although I'm bummed that it will be so far away from me :)

Janice said...

I so wish I could have been there to help through the sickness! I think you are doing an amazing job as a mom.