Life

It just has been tricky lately. Sometimes I feel like I’ve been dealing with one disappointment after another, with little to no recovery time before the next fiasco hits. I believe the idiom to be used here is “when it rains it pours”. I try to keep my attitude in check, and remember just how much I have to be thankful for on a daily basis, but sometimes those thoughts even get me down, as I beat myself up for not being more grateful for my blessed life. Sometimes no matter how many glad games are played, thankful lists are made, and prayers are said, there is just a dark cloud that seems to linger.

This age the babies are in is proving to be a difficult one. Many days there  are more tantrums to count. The fighting over toys is constant.  Even when I’m turning on a show, they fight over which one to watch.  And why must they fight me so hard each time they have to get dressed?! The all-of-the-sudden picky eating has gotten to me as I try to feed my kids the right things, and their need to be independent is coming on full force. They are waking up earlier than normal, and even in the night sometimes, probably a bit spoiled from when they were sick. And the MESSES they can make. I get so tired of walking on crushed up crackers all day as I wait for them to go to bed before I can get everything put away in order to vacuum, at which time I’m just too tired to tackle the task (thank heavens for KC who likes a clean house as much as his wife, and will tell me to relax while he takes care of the mess on most days). Throw in a couple weeks of sickness, and people working on the house, etc., and one’s brain might start to rattle. They all aren’t guilty of all of these things, but with each of them having their individual wants and needs, it seems to go on all day long.

I know it’s part of life, and sometimes I can laugh about the hard things and just brush them off, knowing it won’t last forever.  But sometimes I just can’t see past that difficult moment, and I want to throw in the towel and scream “I’ve Had Enough!”. That has happened more times than usual in the last month or so.

So, feeling completely spent one evening, staring at the wall in an exhausted daze (Remember the famous “buh buh buh…” scence from Overboard anyone? Kinda like that, minus the grapes.), I had an inspiration. I decided that the one thing that could get me out of this funk was a night away. All to myself.

A-l-o-n-e.

KC and I had plans to get away while mom was here, but, you know, that didn’t happen, so this was the next best thing. I think, besides driving in the car, and a few instances here and there for maybe an hour at a time, I have not been by myself for years. And I realized I was craving that alone time my life is very much lacking right now. It was amazing how much easier it was to get through the most difficult parts of the day, knowing I had this to look forward to at  the end of the week. I almost talked myself out of it several times, thinking of all the things I’d rather spend the money on, feeling selfish and silly, and wondering if I was making a rash, impulsive decision. But I convinced myself that those were all silly notions, and that this was a smart, very rational decision for my family and myself, and there really isn’t a better reason to spend money than on my sanity. KC was as supportive as I could’ve hoped. It was only one night after all.

So, last Saturday, around 4:30, I packed up my few things, kissed everyone about 10 times each, and drove about 3o minutes, to a remote, out of the way spot where I knew I could relax.  And that I did.

I started off by wading in the warm, vacant pool with some mindless reading.

Then I enjoyed leisurely swimming some laps. This was especially cozy because I was watching the snow fall through the glass a few feet away. (The life guard was a little too chatty, telling me all about his dream to be a singer. He is from Jamaica and even sang me some of his original work. Awkward. So I bid him good luck, and left a little earlier than I was planning on.)

And then, after about an hour long shower in the hottest water I could stand, I had the rest of the evening to enjoy doing nothing/anything I wanted to. I just laid in this bed, eating snacks, reading this and that, channel surfing, etc. Pure luxury.

Of course I woke up around 4 am (thanks to the Ruby for conditioning me to do so), but after a couple hours was thankfully able fall back to sleep until about 8. That’s 8:00 am, people. Oh, what a gift to sleep in. And that is late for me. Even pre-kids. I guess I had some catching up to do.

I went to the well equipped fitness room, where again, I had the place to myself, and enjoyed the treadmill and stationary bike, as I listened to my entertaining book group book, even though each machine had their own TV. I really wanted to make some headway on my book.

I brought some of my homemade granola, cause I didn’t want to waste any of my me-time finding a place to eat. And I didn’t have to give a bite to anyone. 

About 10:00  I was packing it up and heading home. And I couldn’t wait to get there! Those few hours to myself were really all I needed to feel refreshed, rejuvenated, and ready to take on life challenges. I could hardly get in the door fast enough to kiss those faces. Who wouldn’t be happy to come home to this?

And do you know what? Things are better. It could possibly be that my attitude has changed and I’m able to brush off things easier, or just a coincidence, but they will eat most things I make for them with enthusiasm (Mmmm! Delicious!”) they are waking up at a more reasonable hour, they are laughing more than they are kicking and screaming, and the messes, well, they’re still there, but I’m used to that. I’m truly relishing this happy time while it lasts. I know we’ll always have our ups and downs, and the rough patches might last anywhere from minutes to months (and from what I’ve heard about the teenage phase, years). But now I know that if I just take a moment to take care of my overwhelmed self, and clear my head, I might be able to manage everything in a way that is pleasing for everyone. I hope this was only the beginning of my motherhood survival getaways. I can see these becoming very handy as the years go on.