Thursday, December 10, 2009

Mrs. Independent

I consider myself a pretty independent person. Almost border-lining stubbornly independent. Not my best quality, but it's me. Sometimes I feel like I am becoming a little bit too stubborn, and I reevaluate myself. I try to be more open minded, and remember that I don't know everything, and I do need help sometimes. But I like to figure things out for myself using trial and error, and/or a little research. I'm pretty good at getting the information I need for any given situation. If I need a suggestion, or advice, I'm definitely not ashamed or afraid to ask for it, but I have a network of resources that I like to turn to. It's a comfort to know that someone has been where I am before, so if something isn't working for me, I can ask what worked for them. I've found the best solutions to problems by asking family and friends. But unsolicited advice or an out-of-the-blue suggestion about how I'm going about doing things in my life isn't usually very welcome, and can get me a little annoyed. Isn't that pretty normal? I hope that I am never a person that just barges into someone else's daily doings telling them how to do this or that. Usually people have ideas and ways for how things work for them, even though others might disagree. Anyway, I'm a very independent person.

So naturally, infertility, a high risk pregnancy, and now a house full of babies have all been instances that have required a lot of patience. My independence has had to be put aside and I have needed a lot of assistance from others to achieve something that should be very personal. It has been extremely difficult on occasions, but obviously I am being taught a lesson here, and I realized that a long time ago.

I knew having three babies would be a challenge, to say the least. I wasn't naive about it. But I was hoping after a routine was in place, and the babies were on a schedule, I would no longer be so dependent (knowing full well that that was wishful thinking- but still). But of course after a couple weeks of almost no sleep and me still recovering from a very stressful pregnancy with postpartum hormones always about to surface, reinforcements were called in. My sweet friend Molly, who also happens to be my visiting teacher has recently had a baby herself and is well aware of the demands of having ONE newborn at home. So she knew that having three would definitely be an occasion for help from others. And when she called to ask if we needed any, she caught me in a very exhausted and needy state, making it very easy to accept her offer to send a sign-up sheet around church asking for helpers. Now, along with being independent, I absolutely hate inconveniencing people on behalf of myself. I would always rather be the one to help, than to be helped. I was the one with out kids and only a part time job for so long, that I was able to step in when I was needed, and it didn't really take away from anything too important in my life. I didn't ever really need much in the way of help from others, and I liked it that way. I like taking care of myself. So I never thought it would be so easy to accept help from others. The tables have definitely turned. Desperate times call for drastic measures. When I talked to Molly that day, I knew I had to accept, and what a great and humbling decision that has been. Several times a weeks we are blessed with friends, and others I didn't even know that well yet. They bring delicious food, and gifts and dedicate so much of their time to our family. They've been helping me just the way I need. It was hard to get used to it initially, but has turned into a very sweet and growing experience for me. Thank you so much to Molly and the many friends. I will never forget your generosity.

Well, I just heard and felt a giant explosion come from the bottom of my darling Alex (yes, I am typing one handed as I hold a baby) so I better get back to my mommy duties. Another trip to the pediatrician today (man, those co-pays are adding up).

7 comments:

Natalie said...

I know it's hard-- but think of the opportunities for blessings you are giving to everyone involved!

I really wish, by the way, that I'd been able to come over and see your munchkins and help, but I've been fighting a cold for two months and I won't risk it. Trust me, you're going to be hearing from me as soon as I have a symptom-free week. ;)

Unknown said...

oh emily I totally understand how you feel! However having only two my needs weren't as high cause I can handle most by myself. But I too am very independent and I think tried hard to be even when I had the girls knowing that most of the time it was going to be only me taking care of them with how much jeremy travels. and it has been somewhat hard for me especially at first to let people lend a hand but I am much better and accepting the help. and unsolicitated advice i understand too sometimes I just have to bite my tongue not to shoot back and things people say to me and/or my husband. Somethings said by strangers just urch me because they say things that make me look like I am a bad mom or something. so I understand and you are doing great! You are so amazing!

Amber said...

You are awesome. I am so glad that you have great friends that are so helpful. I am somewhat of a control freak, independent person so I can only imagine how hard it is to let go. You are really doing great. Keep it up!

Cami said...

It's true, it is hard to accept that help, but it's good to let people help and you really need it! I'm glad the ward is helping out. Pretty soon I'll be able to help too--as much as poopsie-doodle lets me!

The Girls' Mommy said...

I thought about you last night! The girls watched Shrek the Halls. In it: they have triplets (two boys and a girl!), its their first Christmas with the kids, and Shrek has a hard time with everyone's help and involvement. But he comes around and they all end up sleeping on his living room floor. Sound familiar? ;)

Anonymous said...

I hear you. It's so hard to ask people for help! I'm glad you were able to do it by the way. I would totally be there to help if I could!

Can't believe you're coming to Utah! Fun!

Sarah said...

I know what you mean. I have a little of that myself. Funny, I think women are that way - always willing to help but find it hard to ask for help. I am glad you have so many friends and family around to help you. Thank goodness for the RELIEF society!