New accommodations.

Here I am in the high risk pregnancy wing at Holy Cross Hospital in my lovely (and private, thank goodness) room. What a weird couple of days. Quite a roller coaster. Yes, I knew this was a possibility, actually more like a probability, but I'm the kind of person that likes to cross the bridge when I come to it, to minimize the worry and stress (not that it always works). Well, I'm crossing it now.

At my regular check-up on Thursday, I just had a feeling that something had changed. I told my mom and KC that I didn't have a good feeling about this appointment, so we should all be prepared. Call it maternal instinct, or whatever you want, but I was right. There was definitely progression getting me closer than they would like to pre-term labor. The staff had a little conference about what to do with me at this point. But since it was an on-the-fence kind of situation, they wanted to err on the side of caution to prevent us rushing back to the hospital in case of emergency (especially with the notorious traffic on our hospital route). Within the next 30 minutes, I was put in a wheel chair, taken to the registration desk, got everything worked out, and tucked in to my bed, allowing myself a few tears amidst all the hubbub. I mean, I am constantly amazed and full of gratitude at what is taking place in my body, and for the wonderful care we are receiving, and for how far I've made it already, but sometimes I crumble under all the stress. I try to stay strong for the babies, but I am only human, and a very hormonal and emotion one at that.

I was so confused when I got here. I felt like no one was talking to me or telling me what was happening. I felt like a number on a long list of people being looked at. I'm not someone who needs special attention or anything, but I was just a little scared and confused, and no one seemed to care. I started to freak out, trying to see myself living in these bleak surrounding for the next however many weeks, and just didn't feel like I could get used to it. Mostly I worry about the babies and how long I can keep them in. So I tried to say calm and have patience, while everything was getting worked out.

Eventually the busy staff made their way to me and I was introduced to my sweet nurse, among others. They hooked me up to the monitor, which took forever and was squeezing me so tight, it was hard to breathe. (They have a monitor on each of the babies, and one for contractions, so basically I have straps everywhere. I have to do that morning and night, and whenever it's necessary during the day, like if I feel more contractions than usual. It takes quite a while to find just the right place for the heart rate monitors for each of the babies since they are so wiggly. Sometimes I have it on for 2 or more hours before they get all the info. they need, and I get pretty annoyed.) But I was fine and I told KC he could go back to work and I'd be okay here with my mom. I'm so glad she is here during this transition. It helps KC to feel okay leaving me to go to work, and helps me so much to have a familiar face in all this new territory while he is gone. (I do feel bad that she has to be here all day, but she'd never complain. She insists she doesn't mind at all, and is in fact happy to be here knowing everything is fine. I just love her.)

I started to become more comfortable with my surroundings after a while, and my doctor even came to check up on me a couple times. A staff from the NICU came to tell us what to expect, and was very optimistic that I'd made it this far. We might take a tour of the NICU for KC to get used to the idea of being there. I used to work here when I took baby pictures, so I've been there lots of times. It will be a lot different when it's my babies in there though.

My first meal left here left much to be desired, but I didn't have a menu yet, so I didn't get to choose what I wanted. Now I have a multitude of choices, and I'm learning what and what not to order. It's actually not so bad, but it is nice to have snacks from home. We can put stuff in their fridge if we need as well. KC came back that night with some necessities, including my own clothes (blast those hospital gowns), my laptop, my water mug, and a few other things to get me through the night. We have made new lists every day, and slowly this room is feeling more like a temporary home, and less like a scary place with strangers all around me. It amazing what your own clothes, and your own pillows can do for you. It may not be so bad after all.

That first night, I told KC and mom that I was fine by myself for the night, since they weren't really prepared to spend the night. It was a little weird and sad to be all alone here, but it was my choice, I managed, and they arrived first thing in the morning. KC slept over the second night, and it was nice to see his sweet face in the morning. They are great sports about coming back and forth everyday, and I think we'll get the hang of this.

So let's focus on the positives. Mom and I had a fun day together yesterday. There was a cool lightning storm for us to watch, during which we played a few rounds of Quiddler. I get unlimited amounts of crunchy ice, and all the time in the world to read books, and watch movies to my heart's content. The staff is not intrusive at all, and I feel like they come pretty promptly when called. Another kind of fun thing is this contraption they put on my legs to prevent blood clots. Ir gets wrapped it around my calves and pumps air in and out, like a little massage. I just put it on whenever I want. Oh and, my doctors are very friendly, and will come in and just chat with me for a while. Just now I had a conversation with one, Dr. Pinkert, and after all the medical stuff was covered, he just sat on the couch in here and talked with me for quite a while. He's quite the candid fellow. He went on all about how he's also from the west, Arizona, and he got to talking all about Mormons, how he had tons of friends that are members, how he dated one, how gorgeous the temples are, and he even knew all the lingo (garments, wards, missions, Moroni, stakes-it was like he was a member himself). He carried on most of the conversation. I told him it was weird for me to hear a non-member talk so familiarly about the church since here it's more of a foreign subject. We were laughing and having a great time. He also said I am allowed to have occasional wheel chair rides outside as long as I'm not contracting a lot, and feeling okay. That sounds so great, since I've been staring at the same four walls for days. He just told me to hold off on the smoking, the jokester. More importantly he feels like we'll easily get to our next big milestone, 28 weeks next Saturday, and probably a lot beyond that. He, and all the other doctors in the practice are all so great at making us feel like we are their only patients and that they have all the time in the world for us. That kind of bedside manner is hard to come by.

I was given yet another new medication, Indocin, due to too much contracting (this stubborn uterus of mine) and it seemed to work for a while, but they are upping the dose to see if it will keep working, and things will calm down. But other than that, the outlook is hopeful, and even if the babies were born now, they have a great chance of being just fine. Sometimes I forget that this is all out of my hands. I am doing all I can to keep these babies safe. And with this great care we are receiving, and most importantly Heavenly Father watching over us, I am trying to keep my faith intact. I try to keep reminding myself that everything is going to happen how it's supposed to and it's all out of my hands. My mom often reminds me that even if it's hard, sometimes all I need is a particle of faith, and from there it takes over, and I can learn to rely completely on the Lord. It takes a lot pressure off our heads. I just hope I can remember that in the most trying of times.

So these posts always end up being so long, and so all over the place. Maybe I'll include some pictures when my camera is done charging. But like I said before, it's just my way to get everything out of my head, and down for the record. Hopefully things will stay calm around here, and I won't have much to write about except how excited I am to hold my little babies. That thought keeps me going through every hurdle we come to. They are totally worth every pill/medication, every contraction, every itchy/stingy stretch mark, every backache, and, well you get the idea. I'll do anything for my little ones.

Oh, and I'm pretty sure little baby B had hiccups a couple times. Hee hee.