Ups and downs.

So I had another post written in my drafts that was way too emotionally charged, so I'm glad I waited to post it, since now I can see how irrational I was feeling, a hopefully do better with this one. Things are going okay around here. Last weekend we had a few things that got me pretty irritated, and really worried, but I know it's just part of this high risk pregnancy process, and I'm trying to get used to it. It all started when my contractions started to creep up to a lot more than I was having before. If they are over the limit that my doctor determines as my threshold, they make me re-monitor after another shot of medication. I had to do this three times on Saturday, Sunday, and Monday, I think. It just gets really nerve wracking when you are supposed to be under a certain number, and I can just keep feeling them come, and there is nothing I can do about it. After hours of monitoring, and not getting the results I want, I just feel so worn out, and feel like my body is failing the babies or something. (It took me back to the days when I was doing IVF and they wouldn't let us move on because my hormones were all wrong. Again, I couldn't do anything about it. Completely frustrating.) They threatened to send me to the hospital a few times if things didn't calm down. Luckily I always managed to have just few enough contractions to keep me home. But that could change any day. It's just a lot for my emotions to handle. I freaked out a few times earlier this week when I felt like I had just had it! I know I am supposed to stay calm, but when things go awry, I think back to all that we've been through to get here, and how much is at stake. Sometimes it's hard to keep being optimistic, you know? Sometimes a little break down calms the nerves anyway. Pent up emotions never helped anybody. So I consider it therapeutic, not irrational, hormonal behavior.

Anyway, I know we are in for a lot of hurdles like this in the next several months. This was just the first one, so I was a little taken off guard. They have since upped the medication dosage a little, which is what they are prepared to do, and they uppped my threshold too. I guess they think I can handle more contractions than what they originally thought without doing any damage. They said we have a lot of room to play with the meds if we need to, they just don't want to do it too soon if they don't have to. It seems the change in the medication is working, and my numbers are lower for now. And with the higher threshold, I don't have to remonitor as often, which is nice. They seem optimistic that we'll get these babies to a safe zone before they are born. I had an appointment on Tuesday and they are still happy to see that the therapy is working, and we need to keep staying optimistic as well. They did observe that I looked pretty spent. I told them that I was just getting a little stressed at times, and my nurse said soon these contractions will be second nature, and I'll relax a little. I'm probably just getting a little miffed because of the fact that I've been cooped up for about 2 1/2 weeks now and it's starting to get to me. Some days I tell KC that I really might go insane. Partly from the worry, and party from the cabin fever. Even though 25 weeks seems like an accomplishment, it still seems so early, and it really feel like we still have a long way to go, but I'm sure it will pass quickly enough. We've been through a lot more extended periods of hard times, and we made it through (though I felt like I was going insane then too). This should be easy, right? Ha.

Well, something that has really helped this past week, is that KC's mom Janice flew in on a last minute free flight she had to use. She got here on Wednesday night, and is staying for a whole week. Not only does she help me a lot during the day, but KC is sure getting a break since she is preparing us lovely meals. Not to mention all the vacuuming, bathroom scrubbing, laundry doing, and junk organizing she's been doing. What a load off!

I have also thoroughly enjoyed visits from friends. They have been so kind to donate their time (and books and dvds) to little old me. My family is so kind to chat through all my long phone calls, and I appreciate them calling me as well.

And I can't finish this post without mentioning that the babies looked great at our last appointment. They are so sweet and I love seeing them as often as I get to. All of this is making me even more anxious to see them outside of me, and to know that they are going to be okay. I just picture myself kissing, and holding them all the time, and just being so so so grateful that they are mine. I have had this fantasy for so long, that I can't believe we are merely weeks from the reality. Oh how I hope my babies make it to me safely.

So blogging isn't so easy for me. It is pretty uncomfortable to type, and usually takes me a week of typing and saving, and typing, and saving, before I am ready to post. So that's why they all end up long and drawn out like this. So I hope you had fun reading the lastest. We really are okay. I hope I made it sound like that. This bed rest just gives me too much time to think!