Just some thoughts and happenings. . .

*I can't wait to sleep in the same bed as my husband again. Even though he sleeps on the uncomfortable couch next to me on occasion, it's just not the same. We cuddle in my little bed sometimes. It's nice.

*I officially hate monitoring (or when a certain nurse does it, rather. She makes me/mom/KC push down on all three heartbeat "hockey pucks" to keep the heartbeats in place for 30-60 minutes while lying on my back, and my belly doesn't like that at all, nor do our shaking hands. She's the only one that makes us do that. We don't like her.)

*I wonder how long my leg hairs will get by the time I can shave them again? Update: My mom just voluntarily shaved my legs for me. What a woman. That is love.

*I had another sonogram yesterday, and everything was great. I am very thankful for that news since 28 weeks is only days away! But when I jokingly asked if I could go home, the sonographer told me I was still their prisoner. Very funny.

*KC has finally sold my car. He is very relieved since now he can get crackin' on the van hunt. I was glad to not see the strangers drive off with my beloved vehicle. But it's weird to me that so many things will be different when I get home. My life just continues to go one without me. I wonder what else will be different when I'm freed from prison.
*My mom set up a tea party for me, complete with pastries, fruit, lemonade, and a tablecloth. It was so sweet of her, especially since it's hard work up an appetite for the same old foods every day.
*I've decided that french braids are the easiest/most comfortable way to keep my hair out of my face. So without make-up, I pretty much look like a 12 year old. And since I don't have my ring on, and my mom is with me all day, people probably think I am. Oh well.

*Is it just me, or do these clouds resemble stretch marks? I think I'm going a little loopy.

Picture post

Just in case you wanted a visual on the latest:

The pedicure my mom gave me before my appointment on Thursday. And boy did I need it!

Just settling in.

Strapped to all the monitors, and my leg pump things. My most attractive picture yet.

27 weeks and counting!

My support team. What would I do without these two?

And I'm sure there will be a lot more picture of our exciting adventures in the coming weeks, so stay tuned.

New accommodations.

Here I am in the high risk pregnancy wing at Holy Cross Hospital in my lovely (and private, thank goodness) room. What a weird couple of days. Quite a roller coaster. Yes, I knew this was a possibility, actually more like a probability, but I'm the kind of person that likes to cross the bridge when I come to it, to minimize the worry and stress (not that it always works). Well, I'm crossing it now.

At my regular check-up on Thursday, I just had a feeling that something had changed. I told my mom and KC that I didn't have a good feeling about this appointment, so we should all be prepared. Call it maternal instinct, or whatever you want, but I was right. There was definitely progression getting me closer than they would like to pre-term labor. The staff had a little conference about what to do with me at this point. But since it was an on-the-fence kind of situation, they wanted to err on the side of caution to prevent us rushing back to the hospital in case of emergency (especially with the notorious traffic on our hospital route). Within the next 30 minutes, I was put in a wheel chair, taken to the registration desk, got everything worked out, and tucked in to my bed, allowing myself a few tears amidst all the hubbub. I mean, I am constantly amazed and full of gratitude at what is taking place in my body, and for the wonderful care we are receiving, and for how far I've made it already, but sometimes I crumble under all the stress. I try to stay strong for the babies, but I am only human, and a very hormonal and emotion one at that.

I was so confused when I got here. I felt like no one was talking to me or telling me what was happening. I felt like a number on a long list of people being looked at. I'm not someone who needs special attention or anything, but I was just a little scared and confused, and no one seemed to care. I started to freak out, trying to see myself living in these bleak surrounding for the next however many weeks, and just didn't feel like I could get used to it. Mostly I worry about the babies and how long I can keep them in. So I tried to say calm and have patience, while everything was getting worked out.

Eventually the busy staff made their way to me and I was introduced to my sweet nurse, among others. They hooked me up to the monitor, which took forever and was squeezing me so tight, it was hard to breathe. (They have a monitor on each of the babies, and one for contractions, so basically I have straps everywhere. I have to do that morning and night, and whenever it's necessary during the day, like if I feel more contractions than usual. It takes quite a while to find just the right place for the heart rate monitors for each of the babies since they are so wiggly. Sometimes I have it on for 2 or more hours before they get all the info. they need, and I get pretty annoyed.) But I was fine and I told KC he could go back to work and I'd be okay here with my mom. I'm so glad she is here during this transition. It helps KC to feel okay leaving me to go to work, and helps me so much to have a familiar face in all this new territory while he is gone. (I do feel bad that she has to be here all day, but she'd never complain. She insists she doesn't mind at all, and is in fact happy to be here knowing everything is fine. I just love her.)

I started to become more comfortable with my surroundings after a while, and my doctor even came to check up on me a couple times. A staff from the NICU came to tell us what to expect, and was very optimistic that I'd made it this far. We might take a tour of the NICU for KC to get used to the idea of being there. I used to work here when I took baby pictures, so I've been there lots of times. It will be a lot different when it's my babies in there though.

My first meal left here left much to be desired, but I didn't have a menu yet, so I didn't get to choose what I wanted. Now I have a multitude of choices, and I'm learning what and what not to order. It's actually not so bad, but it is nice to have snacks from home. We can put stuff in their fridge if we need as well. KC came back that night with some necessities, including my own clothes (blast those hospital gowns), my laptop, my water mug, and a few other things to get me through the night. We have made new lists every day, and slowly this room is feeling more like a temporary home, and less like a scary place with strangers all around me. It amazing what your own clothes, and your own pillows can do for you. It may not be so bad after all.

That first night, I told KC and mom that I was fine by myself for the night, since they weren't really prepared to spend the night. It was a little weird and sad to be all alone here, but it was my choice, I managed, and they arrived first thing in the morning. KC slept over the second night, and it was nice to see his sweet face in the morning. They are great sports about coming back and forth everyday, and I think we'll get the hang of this.

So let's focus on the positives. Mom and I had a fun day together yesterday. There was a cool lightning storm for us to watch, during which we played a few rounds of Quiddler. I get unlimited amounts of crunchy ice, and all the time in the world to read books, and watch movies to my heart's content. The staff is not intrusive at all, and I feel like they come pretty promptly when called. Another kind of fun thing is this contraption they put on my legs to prevent blood clots. Ir gets wrapped it around my calves and pumps air in and out, like a little massage. I just put it on whenever I want. Oh and, my doctors are very friendly, and will come in and just chat with me for a while. Just now I had a conversation with one, Dr. Pinkert, and after all the medical stuff was covered, he just sat on the couch in here and talked with me for quite a while. He's quite the candid fellow. He went on all about how he's also from the west, Arizona, and he got to talking all about Mormons, how he had tons of friends that are members, how he dated one, how gorgeous the temples are, and he even knew all the lingo (garments, wards, missions, Moroni, stakes-it was like he was a member himself). He carried on most of the conversation. I told him it was weird for me to hear a non-member talk so familiarly about the church since here it's more of a foreign subject. We were laughing and having a great time. He also said I am allowed to have occasional wheel chair rides outside as long as I'm not contracting a lot, and feeling okay. That sounds so great, since I've been staring at the same four walls for days. He just told me to hold off on the smoking, the jokester. More importantly he feels like we'll easily get to our next big milestone, 28 weeks next Saturday, and probably a lot beyond that. He, and all the other doctors in the practice are all so great at making us feel like we are their only patients and that they have all the time in the world for us. That kind of bedside manner is hard to come by.

I was given yet another new medication, Indocin, due to too much contracting (this stubborn uterus of mine) and it seemed to work for a while, but they are upping the dose to see if it will keep working, and things will calm down. But other than that, the outlook is hopeful, and even if the babies were born now, they have a great chance of being just fine. Sometimes I forget that this is all out of my hands. I am doing all I can to keep these babies safe. And with this great care we are receiving, and most importantly Heavenly Father watching over us, I am trying to keep my faith intact. I try to keep reminding myself that everything is going to happen how it's supposed to and it's all out of my hands. My mom often reminds me that even if it's hard, sometimes all I need is a particle of faith, and from there it takes over, and I can learn to rely completely on the Lord. It takes a lot pressure off our heads. I just hope I can remember that in the most trying of times.

So these posts always end up being so long, and so all over the place. Maybe I'll include some pictures when my camera is done charging. But like I said before, it's just my way to get everything out of my head, and down for the record. Hopefully things will stay calm around here, and I won't have much to write about except how excited I am to hold my little babies. That thought keeps me going through every hurdle we come to. They are totally worth every pill/medication, every contraction, every itchy/stingy stretch mark, every backache, and, well you get the idea. I'll do anything for my little ones.

Oh, and I'm pretty sure little baby B had hiccups a couple times. Hee hee.

Slowly but surely.

That's how I feel about the way time passes on bedrest. It feels so slow at times, but a new day always manages to approach, and before you know it, another week is upon you. But before I go on, I want to say a huge CONGRATULATIONS to my brother Drew, and my new sister-in-law Julie!! Who doesn't love a new sister?! They got married yesterday, and I couldn't be happier for them. My mom was so sweet to keep me posted on the days happenings as if I was there, even as busy as she was. She made me feel like I was part of the festivities, and my grandma even said she felt my presence there. So sweet. I hope Drew knows I would've been there if there was any tiny possibility. But with these babies lives in my hands, I'm sure he understood. It was so weird to be here alone most of the day, knowing about all the hustle and bustle that was going on over there. I heard he looked dashing, and she looked gorgeous, and it was a wonderful celebration. I can't wait to see the pictures, and you can bet there will be some posted here, as soon as they become available. I love you guys!

So now I shall get to the update. We were busy for a few days there, but things have since calmed, and all is well. I'm always up for a little excitement and change in routine now and then, as long as the my body can handle it. We had another appointment on Wednesday, during which they said that I am still looking stable thanks to the meds and bedrest, and the babies are growing as they should. They are right on schedule, all weighing within a few ounces of 2 lbs. which I was very happy to hear about. The little guy is still a few ounces behind the others, but at least he is staying consistent. That's important. They are very active, their fluid looks good, and their heartbeats are normal. What more can a mommy ask for?

So the doctor decided it was time to get the steroid shots to help develop their lungs more rapidly. It's a pretty standard option for anyone experiencing signs of pre-term labor, and is a huge help if babies are born premature. They call it a safety net, so the lungs are one thing they don't have to deal with as much if the babies need special care when they are born. They kept letting us know how much the babies will benefit from this, so I was happy to take that step. It's amazing how they have discovered things like this, but they know that they are talking about. I feel really great knowing we are doing everything we can for these little loves of ours. And we just hit 26 weeks! Every Saturday that we hit a new week marker is a huge relief to me. I can't wait until we're at a point that I'd feel more safe if something happened and they'd have to be immediately delivered. I feel like 30-32 weeks would be that time for me, and we are only several weeks from that point. I can do this! Contractions are staying within threshold range, and I'm feeling pretty good most of the time (especially when baby boy B stays off that nerve that makes it hard to walk).

After our appointment, We said goodbye to KC's mom and he took her to the the airport. She sure had a busy week taking care of us, but her help was greatly appreciated, and it was so sweet of her to take time from her busy life to help us out. KC probably got the biggest break of all, with all the cleaning/organizing being done, and the meals being lovingly prepared and ready when he got home from work. It had been a while since he's had that luxury. And I am happy to say that My mom will also be staying with us for a couple weeks, starting on Tuesday. We are so grateful for our families that are so willing to dedicate their time to us. So grateful.

So anyway, the shots were pretty simple. You have to get two of them, 24 hours apart. On Thursday, I had to go to the doctors office again to have the first shot administered. It's a little silly to go all the way there, since I had the meds, and I'm sure I have some spare needles around here somewhere. We are injection pros over here. But rules are rules. My friend Jan was going to stop by and visit, so I just asked her if she wouldn't mind running me to the office so KC wouldn't have to miss a couple hours of work for a little shot. She graciously agreed, and I loved seeing her, Wade, and Iris again. They stayed in the car as I quickly got the shot, and Iris was a little disappointed that I came out without any babies in my arms. She thought I was going to have them that day. What a funny girl. I told her that I wished I was that simple. Jan then offered to pick us up some lunch. A hot Potbelly's sandwich with salty chips, cold juice, and potato salad never tasted so good. We got the kids some chicken nuggets, and ate and chatted in the car as I reclined in her big, comfy, Expedition seats. A great way to kill a couple hours on bedrest. She was so nice to take time from her busy life to help me out, and I loved catching up with them.

A couple more girl friends, Becky and Merinda, came over that night to hang out so KC could get some after-hours work in. We talked for hours. I have really missed seeing my friends, so I was very touched that they came over for just to chill with me. I am one spoiled girl on bedrest. I hope I can pay it forward someday.

On Friday, I had to get the second shot, and a blood test, so KC took a couple hours off work to run me all over the place. So steroid mission accomplished. I got to leave the house THREE TIMES this week people. It has been a while since that happened. We were also pleased to have the Millers over that night. They brought a delicious lasagna dinner, and we were thoroughly entertained by funny 2 year old Nathan, and 6 week old Caitlin (Sp? Sorry Molly, not sure how to spell it.) What great friends I have. I am constantly getting phone calls, emails, letters, and visits, and feel very well looked after, and prayed for.

So, see what I was talking about with all the events going on? But even as much as we had going on this week, I am still pleased to say that the pregnancy looks pretty uneventful, which is great news to us. Let's hope the contactions stay low, and the babies stay in for at least another few weeks. Seems easy enough. Ha!

Cravings as of late.

I was woken up at 4 am to the familiar sound of my Terb. pump beeping at me that it is low on medication and needs a refill soon. (This happens quite frequently.) All I could think about during the hour that I was trying to go back to sleep after refilling the meds was a snow cone. I wanted one so extremely bad. It can't be ice cream, it can't be a Slurpee, or even a Ritas. I need a crunchy, icy, freezing cold, tangy/tart snow cone. I needed KC to get me some ice right then just to help me sleep without satisfying this specific craving. I have been wanting one for a while, but last night, it was more than ever. The sad thing is, I can't think of one logical place to get one. There aren't snow shacks on ever corner here, like there are in Utah. I might ask KC to go get one of those silly ice shavers at Target or something. That might help. I don't have many specific cravings, but the ones I do have usually revolve around things that are really cold.

Another weird thing I've wanted, but doesn't fit the criteria mentioned above, and I think this one has been around on and off for about 10 weeks, is cotton candy. Weird, since I hated sweets until about 19-20 weeks. I just want the texture more than anything I guess. It just sounds so good for some reason This one might be satisfied if my friend Molly finds me any at the Montgomery County fair today. If only a snow cone wouldn't melt on their way home. Usually I can't stand carnivals, or the smell/environment rather. But these two are pretty standard carnival/fair foods, and I can't stop thinking about them. Oh, when will the pregnancy oddities end?

And is it weird that anytime I hear, read, or see anything about Christmas, I become overwhelmingly thirsty? Maybe it reminds me of snow or something, but I usually gulp tons of water following any mention of the holiday.

Oh, and an update on the babies, and my latest appointment coming up.

Ups and downs.

So I had another post written in my drafts that was way too emotionally charged, so I'm glad I waited to post it, since now I can see how irrational I was feeling, a hopefully do better with this one. Things are going okay around here. Last weekend we had a few things that got me pretty irritated, and really worried, but I know it's just part of this high risk pregnancy process, and I'm trying to get used to it. It all started when my contractions started to creep up to a lot more than I was having before. If they are over the limit that my doctor determines as my threshold, they make me re-monitor after another shot of medication. I had to do this three times on Saturday, Sunday, and Monday, I think. It just gets really nerve wracking when you are supposed to be under a certain number, and I can just keep feeling them come, and there is nothing I can do about it. After hours of monitoring, and not getting the results I want, I just feel so worn out, and feel like my body is failing the babies or something. (It took me back to the days when I was doing IVF and they wouldn't let us move on because my hormones were all wrong. Again, I couldn't do anything about it. Completely frustrating.) They threatened to send me to the hospital a few times if things didn't calm down. Luckily I always managed to have just few enough contractions to keep me home. But that could change any day. It's just a lot for my emotions to handle. I freaked out a few times earlier this week when I felt like I had just had it! I know I am supposed to stay calm, but when things go awry, I think back to all that we've been through to get here, and how much is at stake. Sometimes it's hard to keep being optimistic, you know? Sometimes a little break down calms the nerves anyway. Pent up emotions never helped anybody. So I consider it therapeutic, not irrational, hormonal behavior.

Anyway, I know we are in for a lot of hurdles like this in the next several months. This was just the first one, so I was a little taken off guard. They have since upped the medication dosage a little, which is what they are prepared to do, and they uppped my threshold too. I guess they think I can handle more contractions than what they originally thought without doing any damage. They said we have a lot of room to play with the meds if we need to, they just don't want to do it too soon if they don't have to. It seems the change in the medication is working, and my numbers are lower for now. And with the higher threshold, I don't have to remonitor as often, which is nice. They seem optimistic that we'll get these babies to a safe zone before they are born. I had an appointment on Tuesday and they are still happy to see that the therapy is working, and we need to keep staying optimistic as well. They did observe that I looked pretty spent. I told them that I was just getting a little stressed at times, and my nurse said soon these contractions will be second nature, and I'll relax a little. I'm probably just getting a little miffed because of the fact that I've been cooped up for about 2 1/2 weeks now and it's starting to get to me. Some days I tell KC that I really might go insane. Partly from the worry, and party from the cabin fever. Even though 25 weeks seems like an accomplishment, it still seems so early, and it really feel like we still have a long way to go, but I'm sure it will pass quickly enough. We've been through a lot more extended periods of hard times, and we made it through (though I felt like I was going insane then too). This should be easy, right? Ha.

Well, something that has really helped this past week, is that KC's mom Janice flew in on a last minute free flight she had to use. She got here on Wednesday night, and is staying for a whole week. Not only does she help me a lot during the day, but KC is sure getting a break since she is preparing us lovely meals. Not to mention all the vacuuming, bathroom scrubbing, laundry doing, and junk organizing she's been doing. What a load off!

I have also thoroughly enjoyed visits from friends. They have been so kind to donate their time (and books and dvds) to little old me. My family is so kind to chat through all my long phone calls, and I appreciate them calling me as well.

And I can't finish this post without mentioning that the babies looked great at our last appointment. They are so sweet and I love seeing them as often as I get to. All of this is making me even more anxious to see them outside of me, and to know that they are going to be okay. I just picture myself kissing, and holding them all the time, and just being so so so grateful that they are mine. I have had this fantasy for so long, that I can't believe we are merely weeks from the reality. Oh how I hope my babies make it to me safely.

So blogging isn't so easy for me. It is pretty uncomfortable to type, and usually takes me a week of typing and saving, and typing, and saving, before I am ready to post. So that's why they all end up long and drawn out like this. So I hope you had fun reading the lastest. We really are okay. I hope I made it sound like that. This bed rest just gives me too much time to think!

Holding down the fort.

I'm not sure who's going to be more relieved when this bedrest episode is over, KC or me. He'd never lead you to believe he's tired, but from all he does around here, it must be so. These are all the things he's accomplished on this fine Saturday, while I did nothing for him (though, to the babies, I am doing quite a job, keeping them alive and all.)

• Three loads of laundry, including the sheets, which to a person on bedrest is quite a gift.
• Rotated the mattress. Again, a nice thing to do for a bedrester. He also vacuumed the top of the mattress and pillows, to rid them of any accumulated dust. That's my allergy cursed husband for you.
• The sheets have since been put back on the bed, and the rest of the laundry is being folded as I type.
• Washed/detailed my car, and took pictures to start the selling process (sniff). Keep in mind it's freaking hot outside, and he was out there for a while.
• Went to the store to pick up some food for a baby shower that I was supposed to be hosting, but was kindly taken over by some great friends. I did want us to help as much as possible, thus providing the food. He came home with TONS of dvds and books from said friends. (One of which is season 1 of Animaniacs. What?! KC is pretty excited, in fact, it's on right now. Actually quite funny.)
• Since he had to get those groceries to the shower in a hurry, he went back to the store for our own groceries, where he was instructed to get the makings for root beer floats (today's craving, I guess).
• Mowed the lawn.
• Kept me supplied with lovely meals and snacks, sometimes being called in from the outside.
• And I'm pretty sure he has plans to go to work for a few hours tonight.

I never thought I'd want to participate in housework so much. I think I was starting to hit my first wall today. I'm sure I'll hit a lot in the next couple months. For some reason, Saturday is harder for me. I do love that KC is here to keep me company most of the day. But the fact that the weekend doesn't mean anything different for me is starting to make me a little crazy. There's no break, you know? And even though I'm all alone most days of the week (I have been blessed by kind visitors on occasion, and it's really helps), I always have KC's return to look forward to, and it gives a little structure to the day, if that makes sense. Anyway, I have too much to think about laying around all day. So most of my blog posts will probably be too wordy, rambly, and might not make much sense. I guess that's how they were before, but now maybe even more so.

Wait, wasn't this post supposed to be about KC? And here I am focusing on me me me. I hope KC is taking care of himself amidst all this hard work. I'll have to make sure of that. Oh, and here is a picture of a monitoring session, and the pump that is my constant companion. It's since been moved to my leg. They like me to switch locations ever 4 days or so. It's funny that I still forget it's there sometimes when I get up to go to the bathroom.

Anyway, until my next ramble. Oh, and I'm 24 weeks today! That is a big milestone for us!