Friday, May 22, 2009

A need/hate relationship

Now that I am a day away from 14 weeks into this pregnancy, I'm officially into the second trimester, and that just seems crazy. I see it as a huge accomplishment. When I was six weeks, I thought this day would never come. I mean it seems that it has really flown by in some ways, yet it has felt like it's moving in slow-motion in other ways. As amazing and exciting as the first trimester has been, the lovely side-effects of having something (or somethings in my case) take over your body can sometimes put a damper on that excitement. Don't get me wrong. Everyday when I look in the mirror and see my belly grow before my eyes, my heart does jump with excitement at what miracles have come about. But, leave it to morning sickness to change those thoughts in an instant. The relationship that I speak of in the title, is that of mine with food.

Food used to be fun. Something to create with, to indulge in, to socialize around. And now, and for the past three months, I have found myself eating out of pure desperation, and not enjoying hardly a second of it. I do have cravings here and there-lemon slush, watermelon, sushi, without raw seafood of course (gross anyway)- but sometimes I feel like I will never be the same. I turn my head at every food commercial or blog post (sorry everyone, I do love your recipes and can't wait to try them, just not right now), and cook as little as possible. Thinking of meals to make is so difficult, and it's hard to believe I used to love cooking dinner. I eat out for lunch way more often than I should, just to add variety and give myself a break from thinking of something to eat for once during the day. It's quite ironic that during this stage, I have to eat more than I ever have in my life, yet, it's when food seems least appealing. From the second I wake up (usually around 6:30) to the second I go to bed (usually around 9:30) food is my constant companion, just to keep the nausea at bay (I'm eating pretzels as I write). I carry bag of it wherever I go, and keep a kids table full of it next to the couch. And I recently found out what happens it I rebel and eat less than I should, and in a violent way at that. Anyone ever had this happen after a horrible puking episode? I honestly thought my eyes were going to pop out when it happened. I'll try my hardest not to let that happen again.
Anyway, not to bore or complain, I just wanted to say how grateful I am to have made it this far, and to be onto the next phase of this incredible thing called pregnancy, without the pure hatred of food, hopefully coming soon. I know many others that have endured far worse, and I give my giant stamp and admiration to them. Still, as depressing as months of couch potatoing, and eating through the gagging can be, thinking about the end result of my darling babies in my arms in merely months, always brings the greatest joy into my heart. Everyday is a day I thought would never be here. I still feel like it's a dream most of the time. And the Zofran my lovely doctor has prescribed doesn't hurt either.

I'll try to write something more uplifting with a less creepy picture soon, but I had to vent this and move on. Hopefully we'll do something eventful for Memorial Day, besides try to clean all the messes I've been making. Then I'll have that to write about. Sorry you have to look at this in the meantime.

11 comments:

Hannah said...

Oh, Emily! That is awful! I hope you start feeling better soon!!

Unknown said...

It's actually kind of weird how quickly your food senses will come back. I hated food while pregnant with jack...the smell of fish, garlic, or anything strong would turn me green. I swear the day after I had Jack Scotty brought me some garlic chicken from some chinese place and the aversions were completely gone. I immediately loved food again!!

Here's to great food and good smells...in a few months anyway:)

Sarah said...

I know just what you mean. I never threw up much but was nauseous a lot. I would constantly be staring into the pantry and think, "i know I need to eat something, but nothing sounds good." Stay hydrated, that helps too. Good luck with it. Oh, and sorry about my food posts - since i never wanted to cook when I was pregnant I am living it up now! :)

Kristy said...

I wasn't sick at all with Myles so I didn't understand people when they would say "I can't wait for my baby, but this pregnancy is miserable", until I got pregnant with Mayzie. UGH. My eyes looked just like yours. Seriously as awesome as pregnancy is it is most definitely not a comfortable thing to experience.

I can't wait to hear what they are! My guess is 2 girls and a boy!

Savannah and Braden said...

Emily- you are such a trooper! I can't believe you actually had a blood vessel POP because of how bad it was! Hang in there dear! having three babies in your tummy at once would really do a number on your body-the end will justify the pain- you are a wonderful example to me! thanks for your posts of strength, and even the creepy ones! =)PS-you can pull of anything, even a dorky headband you lovely girl!

Kassi said...

I don't think there is anything worse than feeling nauseous. At least with the flu it goes away in a few days. I am so sorry. I hope it goes away for you soon!

Corinne said...

Oh friend, YUCK! But, like you said, the wonderful promise of amazing joy. You're doing GREAT!

Cami said...

I can't believe that happened to you! Crazy times. I really hope the puking stops very soon.

Bethany @ The Paper Pony said...

Hi Emily! I know your sister and Sarah J from a cooking club. I recently had twins and can tell you you are in for an exciting ride! Congrats. There is a Baby Center group just for triplet mommies-to-be that can offer positive support and understanding instead of negative junk you may be getting elsewhere. I would totally recommend it. What a wonderful miracle your have been blessed with!

Melissa said...

Your poor eye. I feel so bad. I never throw up just feel like I am going to. Is your due date Nov 21? I was exactly 14 weeks yesterday too. That is too weird. I am the grossest eater when I am pregnant. I made potato chip/tuna casserole for Easter dinner and the missionary from Mongolia was coming over and I didn't even care. That is all I could eat. Jeff was like, "don't people usually have a ham on Easter?" He was so disapointed. You will go back to normal after they come out.

alicia said...

I can whole-heartedly relate. You need to eat, and yet you've already eaten the only two things that sound good and you don't really care to eat them again, but you've got to eat something. It becomes such a dilemma. I used to joke that JJ was going to be 50% cheerios because I had at least 3 bowls a day. Good luck!