Oh, these kids. I do love them with all my heart, but they know how to squeeze a person dry. It really just comes down to there not being enough of me to go around. Physically, and emotionally. Maybe it’s just been harder this week because I am adjusting to being without my mom around. In the past, it hasn’t been so hard to do this alone after the crazy newborn stage was over. It’s never fun to see her go, but I seemed to be able to bounce back and carry on happily as normal, and truly enjoyed my independence. Well, this time I guess with the potty training and all, things just got a lot harder when I was on my own again. Although the kids are pretty much trained, we still have a few kinks to iron out, and they still need help with the whole process in general. I think 90% of my waking hours is spent going back and forth to the bathroom (I guess having a small home has its advantages in this case). It probably takes me an hour to empty the dishwasher. I’m still waiting for the day that I am happy that we are done with diapers, cause sometimes, they sound pretty awesome. 
Anyway, demanding triplet toddlers are not for the faint of heart. And sometimes my over-worked heart just gets so tired. I don’t think it’s healthy how often I feel my blood pressure rise each day. I can tell the stress is taking a toll on my body with unexplained weight gain (I’ve never worked out more, and am always, always conscious about what I eat), and skin issues. I can think of two other specific times when I had eczema, and wasn’t in control of my weight, and those were also very stressful times in my life. My body definitely tells me when it’s had enough. It’s the fighting, the whining, the never-ending laundry, the ridiculous demands, the food on the floor… I’m sure I’ve said it all before. Really, is there a mother out there that can simply laughs all of these things off? Sometimes I feel like I’m in one of these destruction-type movies where so many things keep getting destroyed that it becomes hard to watch. There are times when I really feel on top of my game and we all have a great time together, but often, there are times when I know I don’t handle all the hard situations in the healthiest manner, and I just hit a wall. Then I repent, forgive myself, refocus, and try to do better. What WOULD I do without a Savior?
So, I try to take care of myself the best I can during these taxing times. I am so lucky to have a husband who supports me in my taking some time out for myself. I think he knows that it is what’s best for the family. It’s not always easy to just get up and get out when you’re in a slump. which is why I love when things just pop up at the right time, as if they were a little gift from above. Boot camp was one such thing. And then, the other day while on Facebook, a friend had a link to the National Harbor’s list of events going on. The first one I saw was that they are offering sunset yoga on the pier. And that it is free! It was decided that instant that I was going to be there. So, last night, when KC came home, I set out on my little me-date. I had been looking forward to it all day. 
It was a lovely as I had hoped. I especially loved when the instructor told us to forget all that had happened before we came. It was like she was talking straight to me. I needed that reminder to truly relax. The sunset was breathtaking, the water was soothing, and the weather could not have been more perfect. It was exactly what I needed. I sat for a while watching the water in the dark while I soaked in a little more me-time, and headed home ready to start fresh the next day. So many nights I go to bed feeling like I am just not ready to start all over again. I am so grateful for times like this that rejuvenate and encourage me. My kids deserve the best mom I can be.
These classes will continue twice a week through October. You can guess where I’ll be from 6:30-8:30 every Tuesday and Thursday.
3 comments:
OH, friend. You are so allowed to be exhausted. I'm so glad you found a way to chill out on your own, because it is essential to the job you are doing right now.
I have to tell you, I looked at that picture of your feet and I may have sighed out loud. I am going to go take a picture of my feet RIGHT NOW just so someday I can remember to appreciate how beautiful non-swollen feet are :)
Ok, first... good for your me-dates! Especially yoga. I find it helps me breathe through the difficult times of the day.
Which brings me to my second point... Bless you! Sometimes I feel like I am the only mother who loses it and feels overwhelmed. You know, the other mothers around me seem always to be patient and have their crap together (although I am aware that I constantly compare my worst times to what is probably their best...). It is hard because I adore my kids but after four years my reserve tank is frequently empty (ummmm... I think it was empty by 3 months...). Having said that, I found it continues to get "easier" (not easy...) as they get older and my moments of sheer frustration and exhaustion are fewer and far between.
Anyway, just a long-winded comment to tell you I hear what you are saying. My favorite quote..."Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, " I will try again tomorrow." Mary Anne Radmacher.
You are clearly courageous:). May the Lord bless us both with patience and strength!
That sounds so awesome. (The yoga, not that other stuff.) Lately, I've been barely holding it together myself. I've been starting my day with scripture reading and prayer (though sometimes it takes 3 trips to the piano and 5 to Ethan's room before I read a chapter), and that has been really helping. Also, I put myself in time out a lot. But good luck with everything. I've been thinking of you. Also, you should just come here for the next 3 months. The kids can come do gymnastics and things. :)
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