"Bountiful, Plentiful, and Adequate."

These are the names my grandpa jokingly gave my babies during one of our last phone conversations. He was driving through Bountiful after one of his hospital visits when I called to tell them the news. He was always good for a laugh, and he was joking until the end. For instance, during one of the daily phone calls to my mom, (she spent several weeks helping take care of him in Logan during his last days) she was in his room doing this or that, so I routinely asked how he was. She had the phone on speaker, and he said that he was doing fine, and had a great time celebrating his birthday yesterday. This happened to be one of my sickest days, so I hadn't remembered. I jumped and gave him a hearty "Happy Birthday!" To which he said sarcastically, "Thanks for remembering", with a little laugh that followed I'm sure. He would've laughed heartily as he used to, if he'd had the strength. But the fact that he said he was "fine" when I know he probably wasn't, says so much about him. He always saw the glass as overflowing.

My Grandpa Scott passed away on Saturday June 6 2009, just a couple of days before I had scheduled a visit. I got the news while in the Colorado Rockies with my in-laws where there was hardly any cell phone signal. I guess my Dad was inspired to call at the exact right moment so I could find out. He had been suffering from cancer for the past 2 years or so, and it had worsened significantly in the last few months. I remember when I heard that he was given an estimated 2-5 years left to live. It was hard news to take, especially when it was about someone who I love and admire so much. It always seemed like my grandpa would live forever with his ultra-healthy lifestyle, and great physical shape. But, other plans were in the works. I do feel incredibly blessed to happen to be in Utah the exact week that the funeral was taking place. I would've been so sad to have missed it. Which likely would've happened if it was at any other time.

It was one of those funerals where you laugh while you're crying, and the memories came flooding back. My grandpa certainly gave all of his grandchildren a childhood to remember. He gave us a one dollar bill every time we saw him, a birthday check in the amount of our age every year without fail (keep in mind, he has a LOT of grandchildren), random trips to the store where he would declare that we could pick out anything we wanted, exciting Christmas gifts (one that comes to mind was a high powered microscope that I cherished), a prize cabinet in his house that we got to choose from every time we would visit, a pack of clove flavored gum, or endless cans of pop whenever we wanted, and there aren't too many kids that can say that their grandpa took them for rides in his very own little airplane. If I was without sunglasses, he had a spare, if I didn't know the time, he'd find a watch for me. He was a true magician in my eyes, and I couldn't be more proud to call him my grandpa.

I have so many special memories, but I'll only name a couple:

Years ago, when I was probably 10 or so, they were visiting for the 4th of July I think. (It could've been another summer holiday, but it's doesn't really matter.) Most of the family, including Grandma, had gone to run, or support the runners, in an annual race. I was feeling under the weather, and remember lying on the floor in the living room. Grandpa was reading the paper as usual, and then folded it up and asked if I would like to go for a ride on the new tandem bike that my parents had just bought. Feeling like fresh air would do me good, I jumped up. He led the way, and we rode that bike all over. I was amazed when we ended up at the grocery store that was about 5 miles away. As a kid, that distance seemed like quite a feat on a bike, since I had only been there by car. He let me pick out a doughnut and chocolate milk, and he got some breakfast for himself. We rode to the park where there was a large pond with a trail around it and through the rest of the park. We rode until we found a picnic table, and ate together. I remember as we rode, that I would sometimes close my eyes since he was doing the steering, and just take deep breaths as the wind blew on my face. All the feeling of sickness I had that morning magically disappeared while I was on the road with him. How sweet of him to take a young grandchild on such an adventure just for the fun of it. He never said no to an adventure.

When I decided to attend USU after high school, I was pretty excited for the changes that were to take place. That excitement quickly turned to depression for some reason, as I realized that this college experience wasn't quite what I had expected. I would cry every day wondering why I was so unhappy and felt completely alone. One day as I was overlooking the valley, I spotted part of my Grandparents' house next to the Logan River. It immediately hit me that I wasn't so alone there after all. I don't know why I hadn't thought of it before. I didn't have a car yet, but my mom told my grandma of my struggles, and she offered to come pick me up and take me to dinner with them at a fun restaurant in the canyon. From that point on, I was with them at least every other day for dinner out or in, food network watching, playing Upwords or other games (I won once, which is kind of a miracle when playing with geniuses like my grandpa), to work out in their exercise room, do laundry, or even to sleep there on the weekend so I didn't have to feel cramped in my dorm all the time. It felt like a warm haven. Once I was talking to them about how my roommates were probably so sick of my taking up the tv with all the food network I was watching, and by the time I left that night, grandpa had a little spare tv, and a set of headphones for me to use as long as I'd like. I felt on top of the world with the freedom of my own television. Another time when I was there for dinner, Grandpa had made us a special stir fry that I remember loving. As he served my plate, he said kind of quietly, "Emeril's got nothin' on me." I'd rather eat his food than Emeril's any day. Since that short, but very influential time when I lived in Logan, I usually refer to my grandparents as my college buddies, though I did make a few good friends while I was there. When I decided to go to culinary school, they were so excited for me, and Grandpa even offered to drive the cross country trip with me, saying it would be fun. I didn't take him up on that, feeling like I was already a burden being with them as much as I was, but I'm sure we would've made quite a few good memories on that voyage.

One more. At my wedding dinner, guests were invited to take the mic and say a few words about either of us. I'm am thanking the heavens that KC's friend Nate has the entire thing on video because he and my grandma both stood up, when I really didn't expect them to. Especially Grandpa who seems to be more of a listener when there is a crowd. I remember when he stood up, I was amazed and honored, and hung on to every word.

Oh, there is so much to say, but I have to stop somewhere. I am so glad he started a blog. It was always such a learning experience when I read what he had to say. I kept a few posts unread so I could have something to read when he passed on. I guess I'll have to get to those now. He was always so delighted to get comments, and would even email a little thank you note for them occasionally. And it's no surprise that his final post was about hope. He was a man of great faith, a true example to me during difficult times. While I've lived far away, we've kept quite a little email correspondence going and I've loved reading through all those. I sent an actual letter a while ago after I got to see them in January. He wrote an email in return and my grandma informed me that he taped this picture I sent of KC, him, and me to the lamp on him desk. She wanted to put it somewhere else where she could see it more, but he wanted it right where he put it. He led an incredible life. My mom wrote the life sketch that she read at the funeral, and I'm going to post it as soon as she emails it to me. It's so amazing, all that he's accomplished.

I was able to spend a lot of time with my beautiful grandma while in Utah since she was staying with my parents post-funeral. She is so brave. I can't believe how she keeps a smile on her face. She constantly had her journal out writing quotes and memories of grandpa, sometimes weeping as she did. But she has such a great way of mourning in happiness. Even as a widow, she dresses in all the colors of the rainbow, and puts a flower in her gorgeous curly hair. She even wore red shoes to the funeral. She is a great example as well. She has heartily volunteered to help with the triplets when they are born, and I couldn't be happier to welcome her into my home and learn from her.

I have another post in the works about my entire trip out west, but this has been on my mind so much, that I couldn't let another day got by without writing it down. I miss you and love you everyday Grandpa. Take care of my little ones until they are ready for me. I will be sure to tell them everything there is to know about you. (For more great pictures, go here.)

This time, they showed us the goods. . .

and it looks like we are having identical twin boys!

I may be biased, but I am pretty sure girl, boy, boy triplets might just be the best combination. Yeah, we're pretty excited.

The latest

So I guess this blog is non-stop about the babies, but with my life and my body revolving around them, there isn't much else to blog about. But now that I'm starting to feel significantly better (I hesitate to say that because it always gets worse the day after I do), maybe I'll get out more and have more to say about the world around me, instead of just inside of me.

So, back to the little ones. They are certainly growing, and my belly is here to prove it. And so do the ultrasounds that show us how much they look like people these days. We had one on Thursday, and I was dying to find out just what kinds of babies we need to prepare for. Since I was almost 15 weeks at the time, and we read and heard from many people that it is possible to see at 14 weeks, we thought this would be the day. I asked the technician, and she was very blunt in telling us that she has NO way of seeing that yet and she needs at least another four weeks. I tried to stay polite, and told her that my nurse simply told me to ask this time, because it might be possible. And she basically said, sorry sister, that ain't happening. I think she was just lazy, and didn't feel like looking around. It kind of made me look stupid and naive, but I was only going by what the facts say. She was a different tech than we have had the past couple times. I liked the other one better. This one was little too, um, businesslike, for me. Luckily, the doctor was coming in next.

We have met two of the four doctors in the team, and I like them both. When he came in, I was still festering a little at not knowing what the genders were, and I told him that we were hoping to find out today. He promptly told us we'd take a look. He was so kind to just take his time, and let us see the babies plenty more than the tech did. He said he was even being entertained, making up captions for the little actions they were doing as he went along. He started with the singleton. That little one had enough room to do all kinds of flipping around, and with his educated eye, he concluded that we have a girl! Here she is!

It took a second, and then I realized what he said. A little playmate for me, and a daughter for KC to play his ukulele to. I shed a couple tears as he was looking at the others, just thinking about a little girl in our family. I can't wait to start collecting bows, dollies, and tutus.

Just how many bows dollies and tutus, we don't know yet. You see, the others were so snug, that there was no way they would budge to show us the details. We only had to see one of them to know both, but as much as they were moving about, they were covered up right where is counts. So maybe next time. Identical boys, or two more girls? Who knows. Either combo sounds great to us.

My body is changing at such a rapid rate that I'm amazed, even though this is my first and I don't know any different. I feel like people are now really starting to notice and it's apparent that I'm pregnant, and not just gaining weight. People at church stop me every week and ask about it. When they find out it's triplets, they either seem very excited, or immediately start praying for us. I understand now how the world is a little different with a big protrusion hanging off your body. We got a full dose of that reality last week when we went to get sushi. We walked into the restaurant, only to be greeted by the hosted in her sweet Japanese accent saying, "Wow, very pregnant!" I was only 14 weeks people. And I'm already getting stares. I just smiled and thought to myself, she has no idea just how pregnant I am going to get in the months to come. This should be interesting.

Also, I should make a couple things clear about the whole weight gain thing. I appreciate all the comments and reassurances, but I think what people don't realize is that we are probably only going to make it to 33-35 weeks, depriving us of those crucial last weeks when the babies seem to gain the most weight. That is why we can't rely on the fact that they'll gain the most at the end, and that is why early weight gain is key for a multiple pregnancy. When they get bigger, and need more food than they do now, my stomach will be tiny, and I won't be able to eat enough to provide all they need. So they won't be able to gain as much weight as possible unless I pack it on. I am trying to gain now, so they have a storage to grab from when I can't provide it from the food I am taking in. Does that make sense? It's a whole different ball game, this triplet thing. But we take it a day at a time, and I'm happy to say that things couldn't look better according to the doctor. It's always a relief to hear that. Hopefully it stays that way.

Packin' on the pounds.

So, apparently I have to gain some weight. A lot of it, actually. We are reading this book to make sure we do everything we can to keep these babies in as long as possible, and get them as big as possible before their blessed arrival. Well, I should say KC is doing most of the reading and relaying all the most important points to me. It's quite nice.


But I tell you, it is really something when your husband is constantly telling you, insisting rather, that you need to eat more, and gain more weight. I guess the chapter on proper weight gain was an eye opener to him, and now he is bound and determined to help me gain the recommended 50-60 lbs! Yikes, those numbers scare me. Of course, I was in denial when I first heard that that is what is recommend for a triplet pregnancy. I'm not really one who is accustomed to eating a lot. Before I was pregnant, I was very aware of when I was full, and was content to stop there. Of course now I can, well have to eat quite a bit more. Actually, I'm amazed at how much I can pack away. But honestly, 50-60 lbs? The more KC reads about how much the weight gain influences healthier birth weights of babies, the more he monitors and makes sure I eat often, and eat the right things, because it is pretty hard to do this myself. I get so full so fast, and sometimes, food is just torture. He sometimes coaches me through every bite if he has to, and provides positive reinforcement when I've eaten to his satisfaction. I really can't complain about this guy. Who doesn't want a husband that tells you that he'd like to see you gain weight?


Hopefully soon, I'll be taking in those extra calories like it's nobodies business, and it won't be hard to put on the extra pounds. Who knows, maybe I'll gain more that recommended amount by, um, accident. But just remember people, when you see the whale of a person that I will become, just remember that it's the doctor's orders, and it WILL come off when I know these babies are here safe and sound, and I have control of this body again. Working out seems like such a luxury right now, since I have been told to even stay off the elliptical. I am only aloud light walking and swimming, until further notice, when they might take those privileges away as well. I never thought I would miss my workout so much. But again, eating as much as I want, sans exercise seems like a dream right? I better enjoy it while it lasts.


Right now, while they are small, I guess they don't need all the extra calories and weight that I am putting on (seriously, my behind gets bigger every day). But it helps to know that I am building up a fat storage for when they need more than I can provide. Hopefully they will eat this body out of house and home, and leave me with just a little to work off. I can dream, can't I? I just keep telling myself that that is such a short time in the long scheme of things, and my babies deserve my undivided attention right now. Even if it means putting my pride aside, concentrating on every bite, and becoming a very large person for a time. That frame of mind took some getting used to, but I think I have finally decided to embrace the changes that my body is going through. I might never do this pregnancy thing again. I might as well enjoy the perks now.

As productive as I can be.

So, we didn't do much as far as holiday festivities, but I do feel like we got a lot done on the house. I'm trying to consider that a success, even though a lot of it has been undone by now. And the fact that I can only do about 30 minutes of anything before a pounding headache kicks in, or I'm just plain out of breath. Or, of course, I have to eat. So that I was able to vacuum, deep clean the kitchen, start cleaning out the closet in the soon-to-be nursery, finish my book, and throw some laundry in, sounds like a great weekend to me. KC did a ton of work inside and outside, including giving my car a good inside cleaning. Gotta love him. So, until my 2nd trimester energy kicks in (if that ever happens), I'm calling it productive, and I'm quite proud. But I have to say, the best part of the weekend was having this view from my horizontal position on the couch, instead of the usual lonely one when I stare at the computer most of the day.

Oh, and just to update you on my scary eye, it now looks like this.

Or this when I'm looking at you.

I guess it's the kind of thing that looks worse as it gets better. It surprises me every time I look in the mirror since I don't have any associated pain and I forget. I was reading up and it looks like I'm going to have this bad boy for another couple weeks or so. I hope I don't scare any little kids in the mean time.

A need/hate relationship

Now that I am a day away from 14 weeks into this pregnancy, I'm officially into the second trimester, and that just seems crazy. I see it as a huge accomplishment. When I was six weeks, I thought this day would never come. I mean it seems that it has really flown by in some ways, yet it has felt like it's moving in slow-motion in other ways. As amazing and exciting as the first trimester has been, the lovely side-effects of having something (or somethings in my case) take over your body can sometimes put a damper on that excitement. Don't get me wrong. Everyday when I look in the mirror and see my belly grow before my eyes, my heart does jump with excitement at what miracles have come about. But, leave it to morning sickness to change those thoughts in an instant. The relationship that I speak of in the title, is that of mine with food.

Food used to be fun. Something to create with, to indulge in, to socialize around. And now, and for the past three months, I have found myself eating out of pure desperation, and not enjoying hardly a second of it. I do have cravings here and there-lemon slush, watermelon, sushi, without raw seafood of course (gross anyway)- but sometimes I feel like I will never be the same. I turn my head at every food commercial or blog post (sorry everyone, I do love your recipes and can't wait to try them, just not right now), and cook as little as possible. Thinking of meals to make is so difficult, and it's hard to believe I used to love cooking dinner. I eat out for lunch way more often than I should, just to add variety and give myself a break from thinking of something to eat for once during the day. It's quite ironic that during this stage, I have to eat more than I ever have in my life, yet, it's when food seems least appealing. From the second I wake up (usually around 6:30) to the second I go to bed (usually around 9:30) food is my constant companion, just to keep the nausea at bay (I'm eating pretzels as I write). I carry bag of it wherever I go, and keep a kids table full of it next to the couch. And I recently found out what happens it I rebel and eat less than I should, and in a violent way at that. Anyone ever had this happen after a horrible puking episode? I honestly thought my eyes were going to pop out when it happened. I'll try my hardest not to let that happen again.
Anyway, not to bore or complain, I just wanted to say how grateful I am to have made it this far, and to be onto the next phase of this incredible thing called pregnancy, without the pure hatred of food, hopefully coming soon. I know many others that have endured far worse, and I give my giant stamp and admiration to them. Still, as depressing as months of couch potatoing, and eating through the gagging can be, thinking about the end result of my darling babies in my arms in merely months, always brings the greatest joy into my heart. Everyday is a day I thought would never be here. I still feel like it's a dream most of the time. And the Zofran my lovely doctor has prescribed doesn't hurt either.

I'll try to write something more uplifting with a less creepy picture soon, but I had to vent this and move on. Hopefully we'll do something eventful for Memorial Day, besides try to clean all the messes I've been making. Then I'll have that to write about. Sorry you have to look at this in the meantime.

As promised

First, don't forget about little Gabe below. And, I am still stunned at the many friendly and loving comments that have made their way onto our blog. People are so generous to take time to say the nice things they do. Thank you again!

So, like I said, I had a visit with my doctor this past Tuesday, during which I got to see the little squirts again, which always makes me very relieved and very happy. It seems that it takes about a a week and a half for me to work up some worry, so these appointments come just in time. The identicals, 1 and 2 were dancing up a storm on the screen (they have a flat screen tv on the wall for me to gaze at, which is SO nice), and little 3 was sleeping the whole time. I tried coughing and everything, but he was content just the way he was. But all their heartbeats and sizes were right on track, and by the thickness of their necks, it looks like we are in the clear for chromosomal abnormalities. All good news. It was kinda cute when she was measuring 2, he was moving about so much, but then he settled next to 1 in a little spooning action, and didn't move the rest of the time. They were having some snuggle time, I guess. Poor 3 seems so lonely, but soon enough they'll be so crammed together, we'll want that space back. Since I can't feel lots of movement yet (though I do feel some little flutters and I love it), I forget all the back flips they do, until I see them on the screen. It's just incredible.

The doctor said the babies and I all looks great, and from here on out we'll just take a close look every couple weeks (until a little later when I'll be coming in much more frequently) to make sure it stays that way. She went into all kinds of measures we might have to take to hold off any preterm labor. I say, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. But when the nurse started talking to me about hospital registration and all that, I got so excited about the near future and what it holds. It's really happening fast, as slow as it seems sometimes.

Here they are, of course a little hard to see. My little lime-sized babies all with two arms and two legs (I made sure we counted them all).

#1

#2- We didn't get a very good profile of this little one. Number one couldn't stand anyone else in the limelight, he had to make an appearance.

The spooners.
#3

Since we have sonograms pretty often (every two weeks) KC won't be able to make it to all of them. He'll try to come to every other one, as long as everything looks okay. He will make sure and come next time, because if all the babies are cooperating, we just might be able to find out how many girls/boys we'll be having. Then maybe I can start preparing for the little ones. I feel like I can only buy diapers to prepare until I find out. They are technically due Nov. 21, but since they won't make it to full term, we are hoping they make it to about mid-October, which is typical for triplet pregnancies. We can't wait!

Oh, and what is with nausea getting worse at 12 weeks? Isn't it supposed to be letting up now? I know, I need to be patient, but I need some energy back! I'm hoping that when nesting kicks in, I can make up for all the work that I haven't been doing around here. It's hard to have so much to do, and zero momentum to get it all done. But KC is a real trooper and is picking up as much of my slack as he can. I can't wait until I can clean up messes, instead of making them. All in due time (but please let that be soon).

One more thing. I must show off my sister's skills. She drew, and hand painted this drawing of the picture from my previous post. I am amazed at the talent my artistic siblings have.

Want to see something really cute?

Here is Melody and Jonny's newborn son Gabriel! They had him yesterday, a little after 8 am. I actually made my routine morning call to Melody right as she was pushing him out. Yikes! But she did so great and felt well enough to call me back not even an hour after he as born. I heard some of his first cries, and almost cried myself, because I wasn't there in person to witness this little angel. She said he's eating great, and I can just see him getting chubbier by the day. Nice.

We have all been wondering when this would all go down. In fact they were scheduled to be induced that morning, and lo and behold, her water broke in the middle of the night. Hooray! Anyway, more precious pictures and the rest of the details are in their blog, which you simply must see. Julia will be such a great big sister. I can tell.

It's so fun seeing my twin sister become a parent again. She is a wonderful mother, and I can't wait to see a little boy in all her pictures too. They are such a fun family, I can just tell he's going to bring out the fun even more! Her family is so special to me, as are all my siblings. Oh, I just need to be closer to them! Someday, and that day will not come soon enough.

Seeing their pictures make my arms ache for my little ones as I get baby hungrier by the day. But at least they'll share for a while until my arms are fuller than they have ever been. I get to satisfy my appetitie in a few weeks when I visit. And I'll be counting down the days.

(I know I said sono pics were coming, and I've had the post written for days, I've just been too lazy/nauseous to scan them in. They're coming. I just had to get this great news out first!)

Mother I love you. Mother I do...

We had a gorgeous Mother's Day this year. I couldn't describe more perfect weather. Mid-seventies, and sunny with a warm wind that I just loved breathing in all day. The day started with a delicious grits breakfast made entirely by my love. It was very satisfying, and was a great second breakfast. Then we were off to church. KC is in charge of bringing roses for all the mothers/mothers-to-be. Even the little girls got a beautiful red rose. They were quite tickled. There is a certain warmth in the air at church on Mother's Day, and even when I was struggling to become one, I still felt it and relished in it. I, after all, have a mother to celebrate for, even if I wasn't one myself yet. It was a lovely day at church with many friendly faces to chat with and wish a happy day.(Here you go Lili, and others that have been curious. My twelve week belly gets rounder by the day. KC took the one above before I ready, but it shows the beautiful weather, so I thought I'd include it too.)

After, we took an always looked forward to Sunday afternoon nap. We woke up and started preparing the meal we had planned. Sweet husband of mine did all the grocery shopping the day before (during which he also purchased and brought home a beautiful bouquet of assorted flowers for me-the picture below doesn't do them justice, and the rose from church is a little out of place) for this lovely meal (Sad to say we don't have many of those lately with the zero energy and food aversions, but I think they'll start to make their way into our lives soon again.) We decided on spice-rubbed pork tenderloin, grilled, and a spinach salad with strawberries, pecans, and feta, and some couscous to round it out. Much like our last Father's Day meal. It just sounded so good and summery. KC took full control of the meat, and boy was it juicy and succulent. And I haven't been able to say many good things about anything I eat lately. I guess I'm coming back after all. It was a very delicious meal, and our leisurely walk afterward made for a perfect afternoon.
We were delighted to be able to get in touch with our great friends (practically family, really) the Drapers, and were able to spend the evening with them. They were very generous, and invited us for their dinner, a couple hours after ours. Well, that worked perfectly with my eating schedule, so we gratefully accepted, and had a great time catching up with their darling family A wonderful day, that made my heart swell with happiness for the years to come.

So, I don't even know where to begin when it comes to my mom. She has done so many millions of things for me. I sometimes even feel guilty that I asked her to do so many things when I was younger, when she clearly had so many other things to do. I hardly ever heard a complaint, and that continues still. She sticks up for her beliefs better than I even would have the courage to do, she's one of the smartest and well-read people I know, she had a great sense of style and loves to shop, and everything in between. I have so much to learn from her. It makes my heart ache that she's so far away from me. I wish I could sit on her lap and everyday like I used to when I was little. When she came for Easter, it was mostly to take care of us while I was down with strong urges to puke in my early weeks of pregnancy. She constantly made me snacks and beautiful meals, always thinking of new things to create a variety throughout the day. She helped me shop, since I was in no shape to make decisions at the grocery store, and just talked to me throughout the day. When she left, I thought my life was over. Seriously, I didn't know how I was going to survive the next few weeks/years without her watching over me. I feel like I regressed to my childhood when she cared for me this exact same way. I guess my hormones were out of control and all that, but I still felt such a loneliness without her constant companionship. But she was needed at home, and has other responsibilities to attend to. One very pressing one is helping out with my grandpa who is very sick. I couldn't possibly keep her from that, which I knew she would be so needed, and so good at. And knowing she was going there helped me through her departure and to know that I will be okay, until I get to spend those golden moments with her again soon. She is a special one. I really wouldn't mind turning into her.

I also have gained so much love for KC's mom Janice. She has taken me into the family as if I was one of her own. She is always ready to help, even if we never ask. And she raised KC to be the way he is, for which I'll be forever grateful. He's always talked about his mom with high regard, and I understand why. She is such a kind person. She's always concerned for other peoples' welfare, and I can also learn a lot from her. I am so glad to be added to the family as another daughter. I got pretty lucky with my in-laws.
We love you Moms. It was great, and tearful to reminisce about how wonderful you really are. We never forget your love and generosity. Thanks for everything you do. Happy Mother's Day to all you girls out there, whether you are in the midst of Motherhood, or it's in your future.

"Oh, I spoke too soon. Looks like triplets."

Okay, I guess I left you hanging a little, so I better continue the story. But I just want to say that we are floored by the number of people that have been so sweet to read our story and share in our celebrations! We had no idea this news would be interesting to more than just our friends and family. Thanks everybody! News travels fast on blogs, doesn't it? Makes ya feel a little naked sometimes. But I always said, when we have a baby, I'm sure I'll be so excited I'll want to announce it to the world (never thinking the world would say anything back). I guess I did just that. The response was more than we deserve.

So on with the story.

My feelings on March 30, 2009 were all over the place. How can anyone prepare for the moment that they find out they have three tiny hearts beating in their body. I was only 6 weeks into the pregnancy, and it hadn't even been 2 weeks since we found out that our years of trying to get pregnant had finally become a reality. How much shock can one person handle in 2 weeks?!

I thought it might be twins. In fact, since the moment I knew I was pregnant, I'd been calling them "the babies" meaning two. I was right in a way. From the second that ultrasound appeared on the screen, we all knew what those two dark spots meant. I exclaimed in excitement that I just knew it was twins. And the doctor present confirmed it. We looked in one and saw the little vibrating smudge, indicating that the heart was beating. But as we looked closer, we saw in the other that there were two beating hearts. This is when the doctor declared the aforementioned quote in the title. There were three babies. Two identical, and one fraternal.

That, folks, has nothing to do with reproductive science. That is an act of God. As are all babies, whether they needed help getting here or not.

I will admit, I became completely terrified, even though I had thought of that as a possibility when we started treatments. But it was always kind of a joke when we'd say we'd be walking away with triplets. KC and I just sat there in silence taking in what this meant. My mind was racing, and I could barely hear what the doctor was telling us. She handed me a tissue, but I was too stunned to cry. The staff was not very happy with this outcome since they strive for healthy pregnancies, and multiples are not always that way. In fact, I think when we saw that it was three she gave us a "modified congratulations," which really kind of hurt. They started naming options like selective reduction, or waiting to see if Mother Nature decides to take one. They were talking about my babies like this. As scared as I was, I was not about to wish any of them away. They said they wanted to see me once a week, for the next few weeks to see how things are going.

Sidetrack: I struggled a lot in those few weeks. I'd be excited and ready one minute, and overwhelmed and depressed another. I know hormones had a lot to do with it, but also seeing the doctors sullen faces every time I got to see my babies (which was supposed to be an exciting time), always strongly suggesting we reduce it to a singleton pregnancy (taking away my precious twins). They almost had me wishing I had gotten pregnant with just one just to make them happy and get off my case. But KC always reminded me that they don't have the same values and faith that we have. They are all about science, and we are all about God and that's where our trust should lie. We would just nod at the things they would say, and leave, trying to shake it all off. I felt like there was a cloud hanging over that place and I just wanted to get out so I could be happy with all of this without them interfering. I think a lot changed when we went to our final visit to our fertility clinic and my mom was there with us. Before they could say anything she thanked them profusely for the blessing they have assisted in, and said how extremely happy everyone in our families are. They couldn't really say anything bad after that, so I think that's when my doctor started to smile with us when we saw our 8 week old babies moving about. And he gave me a hug and made us promise to come back to visit when they are born.

Anyway, backtrack. After that first visit, we walked out of the office just looking at each other, and the picture they gave us. We had to part to go to our different cars (KC was heading to work, and I was going home), and just kept looking back at each other laughing. As he was walking away from me, KC said across the parking lot, "Start thinking of three names!"

After that, I had to make the rounds of calls again. There was a lot of excitement, some thinking it was an April Fools Day Joke (since it was the day before April 1), and just plain amazement. I just can't believe this is happening to us, in my body. I'm still confused.

I immediately thought of the risks involved. I started googling, and was exhausted from all the searching. Then I started thinking of the costs. Then I started thinking of what was going to happen to my body. Three babies?! In one body!? It seems very impossible when it's your body that it's happening to, even when there are multiples born everyday. But, as I continued to research, I was happy to find so many darling families of triplets and other multiple births. I saw that it could be done, so I gained a little bit of confidence that I could do it too. At least enough to be able to lay down and take a nap.

I slept for a while, but woke up amazed that this all wasn't a dream. This was really happening, and KC and I are the ones living it. As the days went on, I started to research some more on the best books to read, how to get discounts on baby product for multiple births, and waiting for my stomach to start growing exponentially. And being sick, and surviving dizzy spells throughout the day. I always felt for the moms who had morning sickness. I was never jealous of that part of pregnancy. But I knew it came with the territory, and if I have to sacrifice a few months of feeling ill to have some babies, I am willing to take it on. I now have a huge appreciation for everyone that has given birth children. It's not an easy task. And I know the fun is just beginning.

So, our little life has certainly changed, and I've never been more excited, or more terrified for anything in my entire life. At some moments, I just want them all in my arms, kissing all of them over and over. And other times, I am so scared of when they will be here and trying to imagine feeding, changing, bathing, consoling, and bonding with all of them. I'm already missing my alone time with KC. But, I know we will be happy. Happier than we've even been. This is what we prayed for. Our family is becoming complete, and I truly couldn't ask for more. We have been blessed beyond our wildest dreams. We thank our Heavenly Father every day (even the most nauseous ones) for these children, and pray that they will arrive safely.

We have had several visits to the doctor being able to see our babies grow before our eyes. At the latest sonogram, the were wiggling up a storm. I think I actually feel it sometimes! I just can't get over the fact that they were tiny embryos a few months ago, and they grew to little people with beating hearts, and arms that wave at us when we get to see them. We are happy to say that we have started going to a specialty practice that has handled many successful triplet pregnancies. Yeah, it's not great going from one specialist to another, but I'm ready to do whatever give my babies the best chance to get here healthily.

I could go on all day, especially having kept it all in for the past three months while so much was happening. Don't worry, pictures will come, but I just wanted to get this bit on the table before I move to more recent events. We have sonogram pictures of them at 6,7,8 and 10 weeks, which are great, but we have an appointment this week which will provide some more detail, so I'll post those in a couple days.

Thank you again for all the kind words everyone. It makes me want to be a better person seeing how kind friends and perfect strangers can be. I brought me to tears over and over again, reading all the lovely things people had to say. I hope we can live up to all the gracious things that were said.

Now, I must eat.

It's amazing how quickly a heart can heal.

Written 3/23/09 to preserve feelings at that time. (Stayed in drafts and was continuously modified over the past few months):

I don't know where to begin. I feel that what we've been through is too miraculous, or too sacred to put into words, but I'll try. There are so many thoughts and feeling going through me right now, this might not all make sense. It's not everyday you experience a miracle, and I feel we have been extremely blessed to do just that. Let me start at the beginning.

We, as you know, have been on the adoption circuit, hearing about possibilities here and there. We put our trust in the Lord, and just knew that soon enough, parenting would begin for us. And, as you may have read before, we underwent several fertility treatments, only to find out devastating news. But the option of adoption always lifted our spirits and we persevered.

But I have a confession. We were doing a final IVF cycle during the time that I posted the protocol. I wanted to post the process while it was fresh, without telling many people we were actually trying again. The doctor told us this really was our last chance (and that chance wasn't good), and we agreed that this was our final attempt. It's too much physical, mental, and emotional trauma for anyone to endure so many times over, especially with my track record. So all we were really doing was finishing up that stage of our lives so we could move on without regrets. I could write all the specifics about that couple of months, and how I had a bad attitude, a lot of doubts, and a lot of anger for putting myself and my husband through that again, but that is not the point. I will say, that those particular two weeks between transferring our darling embryos, until the pregnancy test, were the hardest I have ever remembered, even though I had been there before. I was a wreck, and it was really getting to me. Everything was telling me it had failed again, and I was completely miserable, even though I was trying to tell myself it didn't matter, because we were just doing it so we could move on. I was so upset because we had taken a break of several months between the other three cycles, and I had gotten used to the idea of never being pregnant, and I was so excited about adoption. I was just upset that I let those feelings of hope and possibility creep back in again. And I know we're not the only ones that it took a toll on. Our dear families, they wanted so much for it to work. And our friends have always been there for us. I hated that this involved so many hearts.

The day of the test will be ever ingrained in my brain. Like I said, I had been a wreck for days, and just couldn't stomach the idea of another letdown of such magnitude. I woke up in tears, drove to the office in tears, and couldn't hold them back as they were taking my blood (and not because it hurt-I was used to it by then). The dear nurse that I had gotten to know so well from so many repeated blood tests, was so sweet while she held my hand, got me a tissue, and told me it was just her and I could say anything I needed to. All I could say was this was too much for a person to handle and the tears came liberally flowing. I went into the bathroom and let out my pent up emotions as quietly as I could. What was I doing there? Why was I putting myself through such torture again? My heart was ripping in half. KC knew I was in this awful state, and the poor guy just had to go to work and carry on as normal.

I chose to spend the morning at the temple. We have to wait until the afternoon to hear the results, and I wanted to be in a place free of my phone, and a place where I was literally stuck for hours and couldn't leave. I tried to relax, and I was sitting in the peaceful atmosphere, earnestly praying to just be at peace. I felt so afraid to leave and face the real world. I sat for as long as I could before I knew I should go and get on with my life. And that is really what it felt like. I knew from that moment on, I had to continue with my life no matter what direction it took.

I got in the car a drove home in the beautiful 60-something degree weather, listening to inspirational music, and was actually feeling peaceful for the first time in weeks. When I got home I turned my phone off, got in my most comfortable clothes, and watched one of my favorite shows. I decided, when it was done, to cautiously check my phone, even though I thought it would be too early for them to call. I told KC earlier that day, that I'd probably have them call him instead of me this time. I just couldn't take it again. It almost feels humiliating to get a negative result told to you over the phone. When I looked at my phone, it had three messages waiting for me. My heart almost stopped, because I knew who the phone numbers belonged to. The first message was the nurse who took my blood saying to call her as soon as possible, and nothing more. I quickly moved to the next message and it was KC.

He began by saying that he wasn't quite sure where I was- still in the temple, or asleep or whatever (seriously, it felt like he was babbling on forever before he got to the point)-but then he just said slowly, and kind of stunned and shaky,

"We have great news. . ."

I nearly collapsed there in the middle of my living room. I was crying so loud I couldn't hear what the rest of the message said. I just remember hearing the words: pregnant, freaking out, shocked, positive, etc. I was trembling. I listened to the last message from my primary nurse who always called me with results. She told me again, that the blood test came back positive, and a very strong one at that, and I was indeed pregnant. (Apparently she and about three other people were on speaker waiting to hear my reaction, and I didn't even answer.)

I, the girl to who the professionals said it was almost impossible, am pregnant.

Again, I lost my breath and continued to cry like a baby. I called KC, and when he didn't answer, I left a message. I'm sure it wasn't understandable at all in my state, but I wanted to talk to him all the same. Eventually we got a hold of each other, and neither of us knew quite what to say.

The next thing I did was call my mom, who happened to be with my sisters Amber and Cami. I had to say it three times because she said she couldn't understand me. All she heard was "pregnant" and said I was crying the same way I do when I find out I'm not. I reassured her by saying as clearly as I could, " I am, I am, I am!" There was a mess of screaming in the background and I don't think any of us knew what to do with ourselves. I promptly called Melody next, and she had to pull over, and we just kept agreeing that this was the best possible news we could ever hear. The next couple of hours were full of phone calls to the rest of my family, and KC's family, along with a few friends who knew we were waiting on results. My eyes were swollen, and my smile was permanent. There as a moment when I was just in the middle of the floor, not sure how I got there, but just sat there in fetal position in silence, and just held my tummy, while I said I prayer of thanks.

The happiness of our friends and family was overwhelming. So many prayers have been said, people have fasted, sacrificed for us. There have been so many tears shed, and years of support from everybody. How in world am I possibly supposed to thank everybody that has been so amazingly helpful through all of this? I don't feel worthy of such friendship and love, and truly hope that there is a way, someday, that I can return the favor. I can't stop saying thank you too the heavens in general, and I hope all of you know that it includes all of you that have been there for us, friends and strangers alike. I feel that through all of this, my faith and hope were sometimes hanging by a thread. I do sometimes feel horrible at the toll this has taken on others throughout the years. How it might have hindered with their happiness. But I hope with everything I have that I will be forgiven for the hard times our circumstance have caused others.

And believe it or not, being pregnant after thinking you never will be is actually a very hard transition. Even though this is a dream come true, I started to look at the silver lining of the way my life was going, and it started to sound pretty good. No morning sickness, no stretch marks, no labor/recovery... So to turn my mind around again was another loop in the roller coaster. But, I easily adjusted, and could not be more excited to be a part of such an incredible process.

There is a part of me that has some guilt. While in the infertility circle, we met so many others who are suffering. When someone overcame it, I couldn't help but be happy for them, but I was also extremely jealous that they were out of the woods, and I was still lost. I would hate for my situation to make others feel that way. I continue to pray for those deserving people, that they can reach the level of happiness that comes with being a soon-to-be-parent like I have.

I also want to say that although we have put adoption on hold right now, we gained a huge appreciation and testimony of what a wonderful blessing that would've been in our lives, and are a little sad to have to put it aside. But we are keeping that door wide open for the future.

KC and I can't stop saying how crazy this all is. I love him so much, and he has been an undying support. I don't know how he stays so strong. I know I say "I" a lot, but it's because I am writing. I'm sure he'd have his own page to write, if he wanted to.

So there is our big news that hopefully made a little bit of sense.  Our broken hearts have been replaced my excitement for the future, and so much love for our three little ones.We are still in disbelief of what it taking place in my body (though, as my tummy grows it definitely becomes more real). Twelve weeks down, lots more to go. Our heads are still spinning.

Oh, and did I mention we're having triplets?

An annoying convenience

So we caved and got a land line. But, only because we wanted to switch internet providers, and we found one that had a phone/internet bundle for less than what we were paying before for internet alone. I thought it would be nice to have a land line. Especially since I still have a Utah cell phone number, and those around here that only have land lines always have to pay long distance to get a hold of me. And I won't worry so much about minutes, since I can make routine calls like the doctor, hairstylist, or whatever when I'm at home. We hardly ever go over, but just in case, it's nice to have an alternative.

Anyway, KC ordered a phone he liked online, and it wasn't here yet, so on Saturday he went and got a cheap-o at Walmart just to try it out. I haven't paid much attention to any of that since we still are working out some bugs. But today after my grocery shopping, I all of the sudden heard what sounded like some sort of shrill, high-pitched alarm. I got a little nervous and checked the carbon monoxide detector ready to book-it out of the house. But the sound stopped. And then it came again. So I walked around and saw that the lovely cheap phone KC got was lighting up as the sound was going. Annoyance number one.

I answered thinking it was KC trying out the number or something but it wasn't. I bet you could guess what the first call I ever answered on our very first land line was for. Yes, it was a magazine subscription salesperson. We are ALREADY on their list. I turned them down quick, and had a sigh. Annoyance number two.

If this is what having a phone in the house is going to be like-annoying rings, and annoying calls- take my name off that list. Maybe it will prove convenient in the future, but for now, I'm afraid for it to ring, and afraid to answer it. I think I'll take it off the hook for a while. That is one of the conveniences of having a land line, for sure.

So, it's like 100 degrees here.

And it has been for the last three days. We've been dying of heat, and annoyed that we already have to blast the air conditioning. (Isn't there supposed to be a break in the seasons between heating and cooling the house?)

Anyway, to get me through it, I made this fun purchase that I've already enjoyed, after sweating through several errands. Pools aren't open yet, and the heat/humidity here is quite miserable. It's actually quite big, so come on over if you want to escape the heat like I did.

It's supposed to get back down to the sixties later this week, but I'm now aware, and reminded that the horrid summer days are well on their way. Might as well be prepared, right?

Give my regards to Broadway.

So, it was a quick trip to NYC, and we're back to tell the tale. It was a great time with Mom and Dad Robinson. They were awesome, taking us around, and showing us the sights. They had been there for a few days, and had their feet on the ground. We stayed in the amazing Marriott Marquis, and I'm telling you, that is the way to go. It was right in the middle of the city, within close reach of everything. Here's a lowdown on our trip.


We got an early start, to catch our bus by 7:30 am. We had to park near the bus stop, take that bus to the metro, and walk a few blocks in DC to get to the actual bus that was taking us to NYC. Not too convenient, but not too bad either. This is KC still in DC on the way to out Bolt Bus.


It was an uneventful ride, which is always nice, and we were greeted by Janice and Clyde where bus let us off. While walking the streets, we did a little shopping, and then hopped in a cab to take us to the Hotel. This is KC in the scary cab. They are seriously nuts, those drivers, but at least they got us there fast.
We freshened up, dropped off our belongings, and went to eat lunch at this awesome burger place across the street from the hotel, Juniors. They give you pickles and pickled cabbage when you sit down (which I loved, of course). And as you can see, they served us the most massive plate of a giant steak burger, onions rings, and steak fries. Yeah, we were pretty stuffed, even sharing and all.
The weather was quite nice. I kept taking off, and putting on my jacket, but I like it that way, not too hot, not too cold.

We decided to take on of those tour bus rides that we got to sit on the roof and see all the sights. We got a bunch of fun facts about the architecture, what celebrities live in what apartment buildings, where the plane landed on the Hudson River, and where certain scenes of Seinfeld were shot, etc. Yeah, we were the ultimate tourists. We were also pleased to pass the temple. It's quite small among all the giant buildings. You really have to search for that Angel Moroni (below).
Then we perused FAO Schwartz. I took this picture for Lili. And of course we had to see the infamous giant piano, made famous from the movie BIG. I didn't stand in line to play a little "Heart and Souls", but it was fun nonetheless.



And instead of waiting in the two hour line to go to the top of the Empire State Building, we went to the Top of the Rock instead. Turns out the Rockefeller Center started to do the same kind of things a few years ago, and with the same view, and only a fraction of the wait, we were happy with this option. And we could see the Empire State Building, instead of standing on it. Win, win.
The next morning, we decided to go see the Statue of Liberty first. We took the [frightening] subway to battery park, and made our way to the back of the loooooong line, which moved surprisingly fast. We took the ferry to Liberty Island, and enjoyed the massiveness and architecture of the statue, and of course the skyline of the city. Then we took the ferry again, to Ellis Island, where the others took and audio tour while I just enjoyed the scenery. It was such a beautiful day.
After that, which isn't pictured because I was worn out by then, was ground zero. It was just so weird, and eerie. There used to be giant buildings right there, and now it's a construction sight. But it was interesting to see the future plans for what they are building. We ate lunch in the building near the sight, and then had to make our way back to catch our 4:30 bus.

This is what we felt like on our bus ride home. Exhausted. But we were so happy we went to play with Mom and Dad. They were so nice to invite us along, and we were happy to have an excuse to go to this great (though incredibly crowded and smelly in parts) city.

Our bus ride home was more eventful (detours, stop-and-go traffic, and rain, ugh) than the one there, but we eventually made it to DC, which seemed so much more serene, homey, and sanitary than in had before were were in NYC. It was pouring rain on our walk to the metro, and the bus we took to the metro wasn't running that late on a Saturday. But with New York still fresh in our minds, we thought to call a cab, and were finally home in our own territory, free of public transportation.

Until next time, New York.

Because I can.

KC and I are currently on a 4+ hour express bus ride to NYC. We chose BoltBus as we were buying out tickets last night, and I have to say, it's quite enjoyable with the comfortable seats and footrests. And yes, it has free Wi-Fi, which is how I am writing this post this morning. It definitely the way to travel, having the internet, with hours of entertainment at my fingertips.

We are excited about this little jaunt we are taking. It is, afterall, KC's first time in the big city. His parents are there for business/pleasure, and we couldn't pass up the oppotunity to join them while they were on the east coast. They even are staying at the Marriott write smack-dab in the middle of Times Square. Can't beat that.

So of course, there will be a post following this is a couple days with pictures, etc. of what our trip consisted of, but for now, I am mostly writing, just because I can.

New York, here we come!

Mom came for Easter!

One reason for my lack of posts is that I've been busy hangin' with my mom. I LOVE having her here with me, especially now that we're all alone here on the East Coast, as far as family goes. We didn't have many set plans for her visit, so we just did things on a whim, or just sat around watching movies together. (We really got into the Masterpiece Classic "Little Dorrit" on PBS. Two episodes left. It's getting good!) I think I learned my homebody-ness from my mom, so we get along quite well in that respect, and enjoy just sitting around the house together. We also are alike in our love of shopping, so we had to indulge a little while we were together. I've said it before-she is my good luck charm when we go shopping together. I always find deals I can't pass up.

We weren't so enthusiastic about any Easter festivities since there were no kids around to make it fun, but we did make a miniature (there are only three of us eating) traditional meal with all the trimmings, and had strawberry shortcake for dessert, and we did not forget to get some candy on sale the next day. Those Cadbury eggs were going fast.
We cooked together (well, she did most if not ALL the cooking), went on several scenic walks in the new and gorgeous warm weather around the neighborhood, and I just enjoyed her presence in my little residence. I get so lonely sometimes during the day, so it made a huge difference with her here. I wish she was here still now, and every day. In fact, I just kind of wish I lived closer to my entire family that are all together. I know that day will come someday, but for now, KC and I will just stick it out together, and enjoy the visits from any family members that want to come, and they know they are always welcome. That drive home from the airport after dropping someone off will never get easier for me. The only thing that keeps me from crying is the crazy DC freeways and traffic. Otherwise, I'd be a mess.

Oh, and, for our last hurrah, Mom and I went to one of my faves around here, Eggspectation. We were silly to each get our own HUGE stack of the same pancake breakfast. We barely made a dent.

I miss her so.

Honestly? People are falling for this rubbish?

I couldn't have said this better myself.

Thanks for the laughs Matty.

Must. . .stay. . .awake.

Am I the only one who inevitable falls asleep during part of conference? I'm sure I'm not. It seems since I've been an adult, this has been so hard for me. We try to make it a habit to watch some of the talks that we/I missed over the next few months for family night. You know, like one every Monday or something. And it seems to work pretty well. But there is something about the soft-spoken voices, and the sweet sounds of the choir (Yeah, Aunt Belinda!) that just set me off into a wonderful restful nap. I really do look forward to listening the leaders of our church and the council they have to give, but I'm just cursed. Maybe I should take up caffeine during conference. Ha!

KC is at the temple visitor's center with a new member so he can watch it there. But I don't think that would even work for me. Even when I went to the conference center in Utah for a session, I was still nodding off. At least at home, I don't get super annoyed that I'm tired, like I would in the uncomfortable seats. Sometimes I bake during the sessions and have it loud enough to hear throughout the house, but I don't think I'm planning on that today. At least I know the words are forever recorded on the website to refer to later on.

We'll see how much I make it through this session. . .